A Worm, A Snail, Pots of Spaghetti and Sentences

I missed 3 on the 3rd last month as I was experiencing kidney stones. I thought about adding a few more pictures to this month's blog, but the girls are napping and I'd like to finish this so I can take a nap myself!

A Worm and A Snail

This morning I woke the girls up and asked them to get ready for church. When I went back to check on them I found a worm and snail racing down the hall. The worm used her pink sleeping bag and the snail wrapped herself in her blanket and then used the worm and her pillows to create her shell. The other girls cheered them on as they inched and slithered down the hall.

The girls are so creative and come up with the most random ways to use the things we have to create something to play with. My favorite is when the girls used the long handled dustpans (like the ones you'd see at amusement parks to sweep up the streets) and attached a bag as either an IV bag or an oxygen tank and used a glow stick necklace that lost it's glow as their oxygen tube that went under their nose. They'd walk around the dorm hunched back calling out for "Grandma J" or "Grandma S." Hilarious what they could come up with using a few random items and their creativity.

Pots of Spaghetti

When the girls are here for the weekend the older girl's dorm parent cleans and I cook. This means I'm cooking for up to 21 people every meal. This weekend we had quite a few girls go home and we only had 16 people to prepare meals for this weekend. This still means two large pots of spaghetti for Sunday lunch. I'm VERY grateful for the second large pot my friend sent me within the first month of school. When I came I had a very small box of cooking items... my collection has grown considerably to accommodate the needs of dorm life. I think the best investment was the electric griddle. There are times I wish I got a larger griddle because 8 grilled cheese sandwiches at a time just isn't fast enough to fill these girls up in a timely manner. We make due and all the girls leave each meal with a full belly.

Sentences

One form of consequences we use at the school are sentences. I've learned my girls aren't as responsive to sentences as other consequences, but sentences are always an option. This weekend I gave the girls over an hour to clean the dorm being sure to pick up and put away their belongings. In fact, this past week they struggled to keep their things picked up. Saturday morning I told the girls they needed to pick up their things because I was coming around with the ransom box after breakfast.

The ransom box is a box I take things that have been left out for ransom. In the past they've had to do things like look up and read Bible verses to a friend, sing songs, crab walk down the hall, do extra chores and other various things I could think of that they could do on their own without my assistance. They didn't seem motivated to get their move on knowing the ransom box was coming out, so I decided to change things up a bit.

I took pieces of paper and wrote numbers on them. I typed out a page of sentences (I do this for two reasons, it's easier for me to hand the girls a page regardless of the number of sentences on it and two the girls can trace the dotted letters to practice their penmanship). I then went through and collected all the items not put away while the girls stood by their bedroom doors. I ended up with a pile at least 3 feet high. The girls didn't seem phased at the amount of items in the box (normally there is room to spare in the box). I then told the girls to sort out the box and keep a pile for dorm items (like Wii remotes, puzzle pieces, etc.) and told them to count each item. I then told the girls that for every 10 items they had to choose a slip of paper or ticket. The dorm pile had 21 items, so they each had to draw an extra 2 slips. We added the number on the slips and that was how many sentences pages the girls had to write. When I realized two of my girls had over 70 items in the ransom box I decided to cap the number of pages to 15 sentences pages.

I told the girls to put their stuff away while I printed their pages. I came back with packets of sentences and the colored pencil box for the girls to use. Needless to say this sentence writing consequence has been working considering the dorm is MUCH cleaner than it has been all week. My desk, however, is covered with sentences packets.

God's Grace and Mercy

For the past week I've had a child, for privacy sake we'll call her Megumi, who has been acting differently. Knowing her history I know there is a lot this nine year old is dealing with and processing in her short life. I continue to give her grace (giving her what she doesn't deserve) to show her true love. I continually ask God to give me ways to show her His love through me. I continually ask God for the time to spend one on one with her even though it's difficult with nine other girls to look after.

This past week has been especially difficult because of Megumi's attitude and behavior. She had been refusing to eat for a few days and I couldn't figure out why. I figured she'd eventually get hungry enough and eat when she's ready. When she was struggling with her homework one night I allowed her to come into my apartment (which is connected to their dorm through a dutch door and was made off limits for the time being for the girls taking things from my apartment without permission). While she was finishing up her homework her roommate was cleaning the room, but left maybe half a dozen of Megumi's clothes to put away. When Megumi was finished with her homework I told her she needed to finish cleaning her room by putting away her clothes and then taking a shower. She looks me squarely in the face and says, "I'd rather sit on my bed and cry." She then proceeded to go into her room and cry on her bed.

I left her to cry on her bed while the other girls finished their movie we had started the previous week. At this point I wasn't concerned about her crying herself to sleep because we had changed our schedule and did our nightly devotions right after dinner. What I didn't expect was her realizing I wasn't giving her attention and her doing what she could to get attention. Megumi started by crying louder. I just stood down the hall to keep an eye on the girls watching the movie while keeping an ear out for Megumi crying on her bed. She then tried kicking the wall. I stood at her door, just out of sight, to make sure she wasn't doing it in a way to hurt herself or the wall. She then got out of bed (still crying though this whole episode) and sat in her closet. She took her toothbrush and started banging it against her closet floor. At this point I realized she just wanted to disturb the other girls because they weren't paying attention to her crying for attention. When this didn't work she got louder and started tearing her closet apart by throwing the clothes off the hanger on to the floor. She started to bang anything that would make noise. I went in and told her that she can break her own things, but she cannot and will not break school property and removed her water cup the girls have in their rooms. She started to bang her ceramic piggy bank against her closet and I told her I didn't want to hear about it when the bank broke. She gave me a look of "I don't care!" but went back to banging her toothbrush on the closet floor as soon as I left the room.

When the girls movie was coming to an end I quickly realized if Megumi knew she had an audience this would be a lot longer of a tantrum than it needed to be (as if it wasn't already long enough). I went into her room and told her to get on her bed and she needed to be quiet. She again gave me the look of "I don't care!" and threw in a look of "I'm not moving!" I picked her up and put her on her bed (thank you Jesus for the strength!). By the time the girls were finished with their movie and were sent to bed Megumi's tantrum had stopped and she had fallen asleep. At this point I wasn't going to push the shower and figured she can shower and clean her room tomorrow morning when I wake her up before the other girls.

The following morning I went into her room and told her she needed to shower and clean her room. She got up and got moving. I left her to get myself ready before the other girls needed to get up. When I went back into the hall to wake the other girls up Megumi was dressed and selectively picking up her room. I wasn't going to force another tantrum and just let her be, but I realized she hadn't taken a shower. I let her know I appreciated her getting up, dressed and cleaning her room, but she forgot to shower. She just huffed at me and crawled on her bed. I wasn't going to play her game and left her room to get the other girls on task of getting ready.

A little while later I was thinking how great it was to have all the girls ready for school early and we were going to be early for breakfast (we tend to be a little late in the mornings), but then I realized I hadn't seen Megumi in awhile. Another child peeks into her room and tells me Megumi is asleep on her bed. So much for going to breakfast early! I went in and tried to wake her, but she won't move. I called the other dorm mom for help in taking my other girls to breakfast while I dealt with Megumi (who was now awake, but not moving).

With the other girls off to breakfast I sit on the edge of Megumi's bed and remind her how I can't help her if she doesn't talk to me. She still refuses to talk to me. I tell her I'm going to my apartment and she can come talk to me when she's ready, but if she's not ready in the next 10 minutes it will be too late for breakfast. As I'm walking out of the room she tells me she needs to return something to me. Not having a clue what she's talking about I told her that was fine - I'll be in my apartment. As I'm walking down the hall I hear her getting up and moving around. I get to my apartment and try to look busy, but still trying to figure out what she needed to return to me.

She comes into my apartment and I stop what I'm "doing" to see her place an ace wrap bandage on my desk. She then says, "I stole this from you." Not sure what to say, and bewildered as to when she took the wrap and even why, I just looked at her. She then started to cry. I knew in this moment her odd behavior in the previous week was associated with this ace wrap she had stolen from my apartment. I knew I had every right to chew her up and spit her out. After all it's been two weeks since the girls have been under the ban of not having access to my apartment. I started to think of all the things I could punish her with... no special activities, extra chores, 100 sentences... no make that 100 paragraphs!

I then realized the guilt this child has been carrying and all she's done to shake it away only to have it weigh heavier and heavier upon her tiny nine year old shoulders. I then thought of God's mercy (not giving us what we deserve) and opened my mouth to hear the still calm words flow from my mouth, "I'm sad you stole from me, but I forgive you. I love you, Megumi."

Through her tears I can tell she doesn't believe me. She's waiting for her punishment. But, today, there is no punishment for she has been punished enough.

My attention is then drawn away by the office calling and needing my attention. When I return to Megumi I find her in the bathroom scrubbing the sink as if she's punishing herself and needing penitence for her action. I repeat myself, "I forgive you. I love you, Megumi." Her tears well up again. I repeat myself, "I love you."

We begin to walk to breakfast unsure if we're too late and I put my arm around her slumped shoulders and repeat to her, "I love you, Megumi." I can feel her shoulders lift and she looks at me with an expression I'll never forget. An expression of understanding that although I had every right to punish her until I couldn't think of anything else to punish her with, I forgive her and it's time to move on.

A few nights later we're at our weekly mid-week kid's program and the topic of the night: mercy. When given the definition of mercy and asked what it's called I see Megumi's little hand raise up ready to share what this very personal life lesson she's just learned is called, "When we don't get what we deserve it's called MERCY!"

I thank God I was able to be used as a personal lesson for this little girl, but in addition to her lesson I learned what it's like to extend mercy.

By the way, for those who do not know Megumi is the Japanese name for the American name Grace or blessing. What a blessing it is to have Megumi in my care this school year... even though the rough times she still is a blessing I get to extend grace upon!

Birthday Surprises and Laundry

Can we just take a moment and celebrate the fact I remembered to take pictures today? 

WHOO HOO!!!!

Okay, thank you. So, now on to what I was going to blog about today on the 3rd of September...

3 on the 3rd Picture #1: Surprise Party Clean-Up

This past weekend I had activities and events planned all weekend. The girls are here on my actual birthday and I know there were things going on this weekend people were going to be off campus doing. So, I sent out invitations and invited people to everything I was doing this weekend. Well, the weekend started off rocky with a few accidents on the highway and therefore the girls weren't able to be picked up until hours after the end of pick-up. Then the following day no one showed up for the activities. I was hurt and very disappointed. 

Sunday a friend and I went to Flagstaff after church. What I didn't know was there was a surprise party being thrown and they were decorating my hall and apartment. There was candy hidden throughout my apartment with notes that read, "Eat me..." and something about where it was hidden. It was very creative and thoughtful. This surprise party made up for the previous disappointment. We also had a potluck and game night Monday... so needless to say today's list involves party clean up. :)

3 on the 3rd Picture #2: Laundry

I know it's a mom thing to always be doing laundry... but there are days I wonder if I have more than 10 girls!

3 on the 3rd Picture #3: Laundry Project

Like I just said I have 10 girls and trying to keep track of who's clothes belong to whom is quite impossible. I write their names on their clothes, but yet still find clothes without names.  I finally got tired of asking the question, "Who's clothes are these?" I decided to hang their clothes up and let them find their clothes themselves.

The second "clothes line" is for clothes that weren't turned right side out before going into the laundry (mostly socks). Again... I have 10 girls with a minimum of 2 outfits each day (school uniform and play clothes) and I don't have time to turn 20 outfits right side out while sorting through their laundry.

The following are the signs above the "clothes line":

 Homeless Clothes

To take me to my rightful home ask

Miss Alice to write your name on me.

Uh Oh!

I'm Inside Out...

You can take me down and turn me right side out, but please

remember to keep me right side out before going into the laundry.

Just like my birthday weekend turned around for the better I'm hoping the laundry will turn around for the better. 

For Such A Time As This

I knew God was going to use me at this school, but I wasn't sure how or why I needed to be here. All I knew is God guided and I followed. I was called and I obeyed. 

This past week was a particularly tough week. There were many tears and many consequences for bad choices. This past week there were a few times I thought, "Why am I here? Am I really making a difference with these girls?" I just kept going day by day, moment my moment doing what I needed to do. 

Our typical nights include the girls taking showers and getting ready for bed, have our devotions (Jesus Calling for kids and an Alice in Bibleland book) together. After our devotions I send the kids to bed and pray with the girls room by room. It's the sweetest part of the day because it's as close as I get to one on one with the girls, not to mention we get to spend that time talking with God. 

Well, Tuesday night as I'm trying to get all the girls in bed and stay there I find a group of girls in the hall huddled together crying. They had talked about being homesick and asked me how many more days until they get to go home for the weekend. I went to the hall and was tackled with crying girls. I stood in the hall with these girls crying on me. I prayed with them and comforted them doing my best to stretch my short arms around this tangled mound of homesick little girls. After a while I realized they could all stand there all night, so I needed to send them to bed. After I got them to bed and prayed with them I looked down at my shirt and noticed all the snot and tear stains. If this wasn't a mom moment I'm not sure what would be. My heart breaks for these girls and their homesickness and if I have to be covered in snot and tear stains then so be it. I'm here for such a time as this.

Wednesday night some of the older girls started to talk about seeing scary things in the dorm. I tried to stop the fear with prayer, but the girls were worked up. I knew the older girls needed to share with me how they felt and what they saw, but I couldn't get them to be quiet and wait until the little ones were in bed. Next thing I knew I had 10 little girls scared to go to bed. I tried to pray with them to ask God to help calm them. By this time I was frustrated and just wanted to yell at them there was nothing to be afraid of and go to bed, but I knew that wasn't the way I needed to respond. I just told the girls I'd pray with the girls who were in bed. I then left the girls hanging out in the hall refusing to go to bed. I went in to pray with the girls following my directions. While I was talking to them before they go to bed the older of the two started crying saying she was scared. I scooped her up and held her tight and told her there was nothing to be afraid of because we already prayed for God's protection. She then asked me how Jesus can be in her heart. I talked to her about how we are all born sinners and Jesus died on the cross for our sins so we can go to Heaven and be with God. I then explained all we have to do is ask Jesus to come in our heart by praying and asking Him. I asked if she wanted to pray and ask Jesus in her heart. She said yes and at the same time I hear the younger one say, "I want Jesus in my heart, too!" So we prayed. When I opened my eyes I noticed the girls from the hall were in the room asking if they can ask Jesus in their heart.

I explained to them what this means and asked if they understood what they were asking. By the time I was finished talking with them I realized the first girl went and got the others out of bed and brought them in. I asked her why she did this and she said, "Because they need to do this too!" I explained to her we can't force people to ask Jesus in their heart and this has to be a decision people make on their own. I then hear 8 little girls say, "But, Miss Alice, we want Jesus in our hearts!" I prayed with the girls and thought this evening, although an hour after bed time, would be a lot smoother. 

I was wrong. I sent the girls to bed where the older girls started freaking out and not going into their room. This caused the little ones to be afraid of going into their rooms. I called my supervisor to come and help because at this point I wasn't sure what to do. I tried to tell the girls there was nothing to be afraid of and to just say to the scary things, "In Jesus name go away!" I explained the power in Jesus' name, but they were so worked up they were unable to calm themselves down. I was constantly praying and asking God for help in calming these girls down and getting them to bed. I had more than half of the girls in their rooms and almost in bed when I hear the older girls scream a blood curdling scream while running down the hall toward me with fear only to land in my arms shivering like I've never seen someone so scared. This of course gets all the girls up and I'm wondering what was going on. I then realized I had called my supervisor and he was coming into my apartment to help. 

I showed the girls it was just my supervisor (who they all know) and there was nothing to be afraid of. He then helped me by taking the older girls and talking with them and giving my Bibles and Alice in Bibleland books to hold and look through. He then has them lay down on my couches while I put the other girls to bed. I had one little one who was so worked up we had to call the other dorm mom to come and take her over to her side for a while. Once the older girls were asleep on my couch and we prayed over the girls again I was left with seven girls in bed and three sleeping girls who needed to get into bed. I went over to the other side and picked up the 2nd grader (who is almost as tall as I am) and carried her back to bed. I went in to the 5th graders and realized there was no way I was going to be able to carry these girls. I prayed and asked God to not let them be scared as I woke them up to go to bed. When I woke them up to go back to bed they asked if they could take my stuffed animals they found in my living room and were snuggling with back to bed. I told them they could and with their arms full of stuffed animals, Alice in Bibleland books and a Bible they went off to bed. 

Two and a half hours after bed time I crawled into bed exhausted and realized even though there was a crazy, crazy night I was here for such a time as this to lead these girls to Christ. 

I know my work here is not done, but I see the fruit of my obedience. God is so good! When I feel I can't do this any more he gives me something to say, "You're doing exactly what I want you to do." 

The girls are homesick and feeling alone (even with 10 other people in the dorm). They have a busy schedule and often are mad at me for keeping them on schedule, but then I get things like this left on my desk as they go home for the weekend and I realize it's all worth it. I'm here for such a time as this.

The note says:

Fm. *** 

To: Ms Alice

Package

some(thing) to make u remember me over the weekend

:) ****

Dorm

Last week I made a video of my apartment (which I wish I could say my desk was as clean as it was, but with all the papers I've been getting about schedule changes and upcoming events it's hard to keep those organized when I'm running in and out all day long). Finally, what seemed like forever, I was able to finish preparing for the girls and was able to make a video to share all I've been doing.

Anyhow, I've uploaded the video of the girls hall to show where the girls will be living. You can watch the video HERE. Again, this video was made late at night and I realized after watching it I should really think before I talk (I use a lot of "like," "um," and so on), not to mention I was a bit scatter brained and didn't really have a flow besides walk down the hall and see something else I wanted to point out. Then again, I'm sure this isn't a video you'll be watching over and over again. How exciting can a little girls dorm be?

Three on the Third: August

So, my brilliant idea (actually copied from someone else) was to take three pictures of the things I did on the third of every month. This way I have something to post on my blog. Things didn't go as planned. Actually, considering it's 12:30 at night I'd say things haven't really gone as planned pretty much at all.

My plan today was to finish getting the dorm set for the girls who come in three days - including making their beds, putting the games and books in their living room and finnish decorating the hall. I also had a few other things to do like prepare for a skit I'm performing with some other staff members on Tuesday and preparing to lead worship on Monday (which really is more like worship for the kids that aren't coming until Tuesday evening rather than the adults). I also wanted to get my first edition of my newsletter out (if you'd like to be on my e-mail list send me your e-mail).

Instead of rapidly checking things off my list I talked to most of my family members for a few hours this morning. I don't know what happened to the time except to agree with the old saying of time flies when you're having fun!

I then was invited to go out in the evening, but I didn't really want to go and would rather have stayed in to finish my list of things to do. But, I was specifically asked to go and I'm still in the stage of getting to know everyone, so I agreed to go. While out for ice cream I was invited to a game night. Of course I again didn't want to go, but agreed on the condition I could get a few more things finished before I could go out again.

Looking at my list of things to do I got a lot done and spent some time with new friends, but the dorms are a little away from being ready for the girls. I know these next few days are going to be busy, but some how, some way I'm going to have to figure out how to get everything finished.

Hopefully September 3rd I'll have more pictures to post... after all, it will be my last day in my 20's (I'm still not sure how I feel about turning 30!).

Welcome Home

When I was interviewing with the Indian school I remember being asked how flexible I am and how well I'm able to go with the flow of things constantly changing. At the time I thought I'd be able to roll with it and be able to accept not knowing things until the last minute or changing at the last minute. What I didn't take into account was the lack of settling before the changes would take place.

I haven't known how many girls I'll have and it's changed from 5 to 6 to a full house of 10 to maybe 8. I'm okay with not knowing for sure because this is something, I'm told, happens here. Even mid year there will be kids leaving because of homesickness and coming because, well, that's just how it goes some times. I'm okay getting ready for the girls, even not knowing how many I'll have exactly, but what was challenging was the different information I was getting as I was preparing for the girls. It was very difficult to try and plan (knowing it could change), but within the same day get 3 different answers that all conflict with each other is tough. Thankfully the other dorm mom and I have become friends and are in the same boat of organization. We were able to go together and get the answers we needed. We sat down and created a page long list of questions we needed answers for before we could continue our prep. We went to our supervisor and went over our questions getting answers (many of which were along the line of, "Your plans sound good... go ahead and keep planning and preparing.").

Once we got our answers we were able to get going. It was as if knowing how we could decorate was a physical block to cleaning the dorms... which would need to be cleaned regardless. There were more questions, but most of them seemed to be along the same line of regardless of that specific answer we couldn't do this other thing that wouldn't matter regardless of what happened.

One thing I'm surprised with is my lack of homesickness. Of course I miss everyone and the city life of stores being open after 9:00pm or not having to drive a minimum of 45 minutes to get to Wal-Mart (no Target's out here), but for the most part I feel like this place is starting to be home. Before the day of 3-conflicting-answers-to-the-same-question I felt like I was on a long vacation or something. I knew I was staying, but my parents and Greg were here to help me move in and unpack (although my dad went on to Texas to get my sister's car from my other sister and my mom ended up getting a kidney stone which she needed to pass before she could continue traveling). With them here I had familiar faces and wasn't really connecting with the staff and my new environment. Don't get me wrong... I loved I had a few extra days before I jumped in with both feet. However, when they left I felt like I had belly flopped and the sting hurt just a bit. Once I got up, shook myself off, spent some time with God who reminded me he's called me here and it's going to be okay I started to settle in and start making this place home.

In the end this is really what it's all about... I've been called here and I'm going to keep wading through until I'm called to leave (which I'm okay if it's when I'm called Home).

Here are some pictures from the drive.

Greg and I are so pretty.

We stopped for dinner and they had these tiaras and we couldn't help but pose for a picture.

Rest stop tea party.

My New Home

It's been a week and a half since I've been here, but I just now got internet in my apartment! WHOO HOO! Soon I'll have wireless internet, but for now I'll work with the ethernet cord and being tethered to the wall. 

I wasn't sure what to expect when I got here and figured I'd be in a small "apartment" all the while expecting something along the lines of a hotel room with a kitchenette. I was surprised when I got here and saw the size of my living room, full kitchen and two decent sized bedrooms.

At first I was thinking traditional of having the rooms as you'd expect them, i.e. walking into the living room and having the office/craft room tucked away in one of the bedrooms. However, once I started getting things moved in and realized the amount of things I had to go into the office/craft room I remembered something a friend suggested before I left, "switch the living room and craft room." After all, she reminded me, I will be spending more time in my craft room.

Thankfully I still had Greg here to help me move the two couches from my old living room to my new living room. I'm sure you would have loved being a fly on the wall watching Greg lift the couches with one hand... probably with only one finger at that... and me on the other end making all these crazy noises as I took everything inside of me to lift with two hands, arms, shoulders, legs, feet, back, hips... all the while stopping every few feet or so for me to "take a break and catch my breath." In the end we were able to do it and I can't explain the amount of success I felt as I accomplished my goal. I got the new living room settled and realized how cozy it felt compared to being in the bigger room where everything was far away from each other and cold feeling.

The other thing is the bedrooms have carpet and the rest of the apartment has tile. The other deciding factor was how the craft room will be on tile and easy to sweep up when crafting. The next thing was how I was going to arrange the craft room to be the most efficient use of space. I think I've come up with a good lay out, but who knows, I may move ti as I get working and finish going through all the drawers.

After getting most things put away I made a video of my apartment. It was late at night and I realize I look a mess, but in my defense I had been working all day and I'm still adjusting to the Arizona heat.

Click HERE to go to a video of my apartment. 

So far, I like my lay out. I love going into my new living room and watching a movie (no TV channels for two reasons, one, the satellite cable is now in my craft room and, two, I'm okay without having TV to distract me from my work). It's so cozy in there and truly gives me a break from what's going on outside. My craft room/office is FANTASTIC and quite possibly one of the best decisions I've made thus far. I was cutting poster board and as it was falling to the ground I thought, "Shoot, that's going to be a pain to clean up later," but then looked down at the tile and thought, "Actually, it's not going to because I have a broom!" By having the second desk and chair it is easy for people to come in and take a seat while I'm working. I love it! I'm excited to craft with others in my HUGE craft room.

The only downside to my apartment is the proximity to the field and the critters and bugs that seek a nice place to escape. I've been a feeding ground to the bugs and the other dorm mom has been catching mice more than we'd like to admit (after she caught a few I decided against paying for the traps because it's a fruitless effort). We have strict rules with food and storage. This is something we're going to have to live with and it's better we have a plan to live with them because there really is no way we're going to be able to exterminate the critters and bugs - even though we'd like a way to exterminate them. 

The plus side to having a field outside my kitchen and new living room window is the view. I see a barn with llamas and sheep the school owns and miles and miles of beautiful creation God has given me to appreciate.

This is one of the llamas outside my kitchen window.

I like to call her Sally (I hope if it's a boy he doesn't mind being called Sally).

So, this is my new home and I'm excited to call this home - critters and bugs and all.

Packing and A BIG THANK YOU!

It's another late night as I'm packing up preparing for my move. Unsure of how long this journey will be I'm packing up everything and getting ready to head out. I leave in three short days and feel overwhelmed with how much I have yet to finish. The thing I keep reminding myself is although this is a large chore there is a great reward. A reward of following God's path and will for my life. It helps me push through and keep going.

The blessings along the way are so encouraging and affirming I'm doing exactly what God wants me to do. There are so many things I want to share, but it's late and I should get some sleep. However, I'll share a few things just to keep you updated on how good God is and how He's providing.

There are many costs to moving as anyone who's ever moved knows. Being my first time to move my entire life and unsure of what people will donate to my endeavorer (there are SO many things I can't possibly list them all, but you know who you are and how you've helped me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart!) I decided to rent a moving truck. A friend helped me find a company that is significantly cheaper than the company I knew of, but on top of that there was a special going on in addition to the coupon I found online. The cost ended up being less than half of what the original company quote I had originally found! Praise God, He is SO good!

As I mentioned above there have been many donations given to me in support of my journey. In addition to monetary donations there are many donations that have come to aide in my crafting hobbies as well as items I'll need for an apartment. The school has a few things I can use, but I'm not sure what all is available, nor do I know what I'll really need. My motto in donations at this point is if it fits I'll take it! I asked the school if I end up bringing too much or more than I need could I donate them to the school and would they be able to use the specific items I wasn't sure if I'd need them. The school contact affirmed my motto is great and very helpful to myself and to the school. She then affirmed the items I wasn't sure I'd need are good items to have and I'd want to keep them. She then reminded me the school is ran on donations and she informed me Christmas is a big time that they need donations and asked if my friends and family would want to help with donations for that time. I said I'd ask and get more information later on what exactly we need - in other words stay tuned for more ways to help.

The other day I went to my eye doctor to pick up my old glasses that had a screw messed up and was being repaired. I took my glasses in a few months ago and called a month or so ago to let them know I have been busy at work and unable to get to the office to adjust my glasses after they've repaired them. They said it was fine and to come by when I have time. Last week I figured I should go by and pick up my glasses to have them as a spare in case something were to happen to my current glasses. I remember thinking how it's my previous prescription, but something is better than nothing. I went into the office and after an hour of looking for my glasses they came to me to let me know they have been misplaced. I was disappointed because those were my back-up glasses, but at the same time I should have come in earlier to prevent them from being misplaced. I explained how I'm going to be a missionary in Arizona and unsure when I'd return to California. The office manager told me she'd replace them and to come back the next day. I was so confused and trying to understand what was going on I left the office without asking questions. Once I was on my way I realized I didn't ask what the replacement frames would look like (I wear my glasses all the time and am particular on my frames because it's part of my personality). I figured this was going to have to be something I let go of and these are, after all, my back-up pair of glasses.

The following day I return to see they've replaced the lost glasses with the same pair I bought a few months ago! I LOVE these frames and I'm SO excited to have my back-up to be the same frames. As if this wasn't enough the new frames are my new prescription (which I know makes sense, but I was expecting my old prescription). What seemed like the whole office (other patients and all) stood around to hear about what I'm doing and how I'm following God's will. I shared how trustworthy God is and even though I may not know exactly what to expect I can expect God to be faithful. The office manager then went to the back and put together a bag of cleaner, cleaning cloths and other items including designer cases to send me on my way. I left the office in total shock of what happened, but I know God is taking care of me and I'm thankful my eye doctor's office was able to be a part of that.

The love and support just keeps coming. The Nehrbass family contacted me last week to ask if they could throw me a going away party. It was going to have to be short notice and I wasn't sure who all could come, but I agreed. Sunday evening I went to their house and was so overwhelmed with how many people were there to send me off. The Nehrbass's mentioned how their house has never had so many people in all the parties they have thrown. The house was packed with love and I did my best to soak it all in! There were many friends I haven't seen in a while as well as new friends I had just met that morning! I am so grateful for all who were able to make it Sunday evening as well as those who were unable to make it due to the short notice and have expressed their love. If I didn't know I was loved before (which I knew I was) there is no doubt now! I don't have a vocabulary large enough to express my gratitude and appreciation for all everyone has done!

I'm very overwhelmed with the support and love I'm receiving and although this support and love will carry me forward it's hard to say good-bye. I've had many moments where I find myself so overwhelmed in love I can't help but let my eyes well up with tears of gratitude.

Thank you!

It All Comes Together

I know I haven't been all that great at keeping this blog going. As many of you know I've been in this period of waiting. I know God has a plan for my life, but for the time being I've been waiting. I've been waiting because I know right here, right now is not a forever moment. I know God has something greater for me. When in a period of waiting it can be understandable to find myself getting comfortable and accept the lie that this might be it... with nothing else to look forward to. I always knew I was in waiting and I tried SO hard to ignore the lies and temptation to become comfortable because this is not the promise. The promise that God has a plan for my life and I just need to wait and be patient.

Well, the time has come to move on and moving I'll do. Not half way around the world to a new country with a new language, but to Arizona to be a dorm parent at an Indian school. There will be a new culture and the challenges that come along with that, but this is where God wants me and that's where I'll be.

About a month ago my sister was looking at the job board for a job herself when she came across a job listing and said it would be a perfect job for me. In the past three years or so I've seen many jobs that would be "perfect" for me. I've applied to a few without getting the job and others heard God's little whisper saying, "This isn't what I have for you. Keep waiting, your time is soon." I was expecting to hear God's whisper, but didn't hear the same whisper I've heard so many times before. Instead I heard, "Apply." I followed God's direction. I wish I could say I followed with full trust and enthusiasm, but I'd rather not lie. I was hesitant and waiting for SOMETHING to not fit or be right which then would let me know I'm still in this period of waiting. I sent in my application, had an interview via Skype and was offered the job. I actually didn't realize I had the job until I was sharing what was talked about during the interview with family and friends.

I then began to think about all the ways God has trained me and given me experience for this position. I thought about how everything in my life leads me to this job. I think of all of my work experience, my life experience, my schooling and overall life goals and purpose (to be a wife and a mother... and if this isn't as close to being a mother as a single woman I'm not sure what will be!).

While at Concordia working on my Bachelors in Behavioral Science: Sociology I wasn't sure exactly what I would be doing with my degree and figured a broad focus would be better than a specific focus. I took classes to reflect this, however, when I was taking a class on general people groups in America I found myself in a class where the professor didn't like me. She had it out for me. There would be students on their phones in class and she would say nothing to them, but me with my book open and not on the right page would get a lecture for not paying attention. When she started taking it out on my grades I was frustrated and not sure what to do. I was doing the same thing the other students were doing, but somehow my work was not what she was looking for and theirs was okay. I tried asking what it was that I was doing wrong, but she couldn't give me an answer. Fed-up, frustrated and hurt I dropped the class.

The following semester I took the only other class offered for that section's requirement. The class was Native People of North America. At the time I thought how this is SO specific of studying a people group and when would I ever need this information again? With no other option in classes I took this class. I was pleased when I found out it was offered by my favorite professor and even more excited when I found out this was his favorite class to teach. I knew his passion was going to be even higher than his normal high passion for his classes and at least this class was going to be more awesome than his other, already awesome, classes. I was right and this class was quite possibly my favorite class.

The following semester (now a year after the first class with the professor who didn't like me) I have a class with no other option and only one professor teaching it and as you could guess... it's the professor who doesn't like me. I was stressing out about taking this class. There was no other option and I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I figured in the very least I could get the books early and start reading with the goal of trying to get a handle on the subject before the class started. I got the three required books for the class and read one and half of another before the class began. The first day of class I was so nervous of what was going to happen. I got to class early and the first opportunity I had to talk her her I took. I approached her and inside I wanted to run and cry in the opposite direction. On the outside I was holding back tears of fear. I explained to her how I got the books ahead of time to try and get a better understanding of the class, but wasn't sure what to read first (I had sent her an e-mail, but she never responded to it). She informed me she didn't get the e-mail and the book I had completed was the first book we were going to go cover. She asked me some questions and said I understood the concept and main points in the book. She then told me to stop reading the second book and read the third because that was the next book we'd be covering, but what I had read I had an understanding of the subject at hand. I left that day still not sure how she would treat me, but at least I was on the right track. The rest of the class I was one of her favorite students.  Mid semester I asked her if she remembered me in the class from the year before. I was confused how she could have hated me so, but now loved me. She looked at me puzzled and said, "You weren't in that class!" Not wanting to argue the point nor bring back any upset feelings I responded with a simple, "Oh, I must be thinking of another class" and left it at that. I was confused, but I wasn't about to push the issue.

It wasn't until now that I realized and fully understood how God had a plan for me and he was in the middle of orchestrating that plan. He knew I needed to take Native People of North America and he made sure I would take it. But, God is so kind and gracious he redeemed my self-esteem and hurt feelings by offering me another chance to face the professor of the class I didn't need. I love how God not only did what he needed to put me on the right path, but made sure my self-esteem was redeemed and I once again was a good, favored student.

I'm excited for this plan God has for me at the Indian school and I'm excited to continue to follow Him. I know there will be many challenging days ahead. I know I will have trials, but I know this is where God wants me. God wants me here to love on these children and be his hands and feet while telling them all about my savior, Jesus Christ, and what He's done for all of us!

I'm going to need help on this journey and there are two ways you can help. The first, being the more important, is to pray. Pray for me and the kids I'll be working with. Pray for strength and wisdom as I adjust to a new life style and way of living. Second, you can help by giving either as a one time gift or monthly. Please contact me and I'll let you know how you can help. I should mention this is going to be a missionary position. I will have a small annual salary (a little over $8,000 to be more specific) and although my room and board is covered, there are other expenses like insurance, internet (to stay in contact), food when the cafeteria is closed when the kids are off campus and many other expenses - including any crafts I'd like to do with the girls will need to come out of my pocket. If you would like to help sponsor me and help me on this journey I would greatly appreciate it.

My goal is to be more on top of posting to this blog. I want to make sure you are updated in my journey and know how your prayers and giving are being answered and used! I'll also send out e-mails and newsletters, so please make sure I have your contact information.

I'm excited for you to join me on this journey and I can't wait to see what God has continued to plan for my life.

God Given Goals for 2013

Lately God has been giving me a lot of goals to work on this year. When written out the list isn't long, but when it comes down to accomplishing each goal the list seems twenty times bigger than that short list.

Here's the list of goals:

• Write a Book
• Lead Vacation Bible School (VBS)
• Write the curriculum for VBS
• Lead a Girls Group

Here's a little more on what each entails:

Write a Book

In this book God is asking me to share my story of His faithfulness in the past three years as well as a concept in being single that isn't so new, but many have turned upside down from what God is asking us to do. I have an outline completed. In the outline there are very personal things I'm being asked to share. The struggle I'm having is to write out the entire story and let it potentially be in the book. I know there will be a lot of editing and drafts and what I write now may not end up in the finial draft which could potentially be published, but to know what I write could end up in the final draft is a bit overwhelming. As far as actually publishing this book that's even more scary to think about, but at the same time that's a long ways down the road and I need to get writing first. 

On one hand I know this is what I'm being asked to write about and I know I can trust God for the guidance. On the other hand it's hard to open up like this and the hesitation I'm having is tough to overcome and just get writing. 

To help with this I'm only focusing on one story/chapter at a time. I have my outline and a starting point. I need to set time aside and just get writing!

Lead Vacation Bible School

Last year I was asked to lead VBS and I did. I had an awesome VBS team and couldn't have done it without them. Unfortunately a lot of VBS team members will not be able to help this year for various reasons. Knowing this fact is a bit scary when I'm asked to lead VBS again this year. 

While praying about what curriculum to use none of the curriculums available were jumping out at me to use for this year. I thought, "AWESOME! I'm off the hook! I don't have to lead VBS this year!" But, God then told me to write my own VBS curriculum. I pulled the breaks before God could continue and tried to ignore the call. Naturally, God waited until I slowed my train of thought going in the opposite direction of his call before he gave me a vision of what He had in mind. I realized I'm going to end up leading VBS AND writing the curriculum, so I might as well turn my train of thought around and stop wasting time before I end up in a fish called Grace (thanks Pricilla Shirer for writing Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted) to bring me back to what God is calling me to do. 

The vision God gave me is like no other VBS I've ever attended, helped with or lead. The concept is a little confusing at first, yet so simple when it comes down to it. I'm still developing the plan, but writing the week of curriculum, skits, opening/closing ceremonies, as well as coming up with the crafts, games and snacks won't be as difficult as I originally thought them to be. I know there will be times of struggle in this process, but I do know God's called me to it, so he will guide me through it. 

Lead a Girls Group

This was another call God has given me where I tried to ignore the call and go in the opposite direction. I do know, however, I have a lot to share in my personal testimony to lead these girls (middle school and high school aged) to God's will for their lives. Growing up I was a part of a girls group called C.A.R.E. Group (Caring And Reaching Everyone). I know the impact C.A.R.E. Group had on me and I know God is asking me to give that same impact to these girls. With that in mind I agreed and will be starting the group at the end of February. 

The thing I was worried about was having time to prepare for our time together with my already fully schedule (which was being pushed to the brim with the addition of the previous two God Given Goals), but God gave me a book to use as a guide and the schedule of meeting times happens to be every other week so I'll have time to prepare on the off weeks. Bonus. 

In a nutshell this is going to be one busy year for me. On top of the God Given Goals I'm turning 30 this year and am planning a birthday party I wasn't expecting to plan. I didn't want to have a party this year because I've had a party each year for the past few years and I don't need another party. But, with turning 30 my family convinced me to have a party. In a nutshell, in my 29 years of life I've never once dressed up as Alice in Wonderland let alone had an Alice in Wonderland party. So, for my 30th birthday I'll not only be dressing up like Alice in Wonderland (and my family dressing as other characters) the theme of the party will be Alice in Wonderland... however the whole party will be MY version of an Alice in Wonderland which will include tutus and glitter. I'm trying to keep the party simple... but that's quickly turning out to be something quite different, as all Alice in Wonderland stories happen to be. 

Conquering Fears: Shooting A Gun

I have a few fears I've had since I was a little kid. Some I've learned to cope with and others I have ignored and found a way to not have to deal with them. Shooting a gun was on my list until this past weekend.

A few months ago my friend Jakobe asked my friend Kelly and I if we wanted to go shooting. At the time I said no and didn't think much of it after that. After a few weeks I realized I don't want to be the person who doesn't do things because she's afraid. I want to try new things even if I'm scared. Even if I do it only once I should give it a try. I then thought if I'm given an opportunity I can take I should take it. I called my friend and let him know the next time he goes shooting to give me a call. It's time I conquer this fear.

Time goes on and I don't hear anything about it. I forget I told him I wanted to conquer this fear and I don't think much more of it. Last Sunday after church I see Jakobe, Kelly and a few other people talking, so I go over to say hello. Jakobe then asks what I'm doing that afternoon and I let him know after lunch with a friend I'm free. He then informs me they are going shooting and I should go with them. Immediately I try thinking of a way out, "Something came up, I have to work, my mom needs me at home, I need to wash my hair..." Then I quickly flash back to 2 seconds ago where I just said I was free. Darn it! I can't get out of going. They know I'm free. I have to go and I can't back down now.

After lunch I meet up with Jakobe, Kelly and a few of Jakobe's friends. We go over gun safety and how to handle the gun. Just before I was handed the gun I was thinking, "I want to leave. I have to leave. Shoot! We carpooled. How far is it to walk back to my car?" I'm then handed the gun and I'm so scared, but it's not so bad. I know it's not loaded. It's just a machine. I'm just holding a harmless machine. Then I'm thinking about how in the next half hour this thing will be loaded and I'm going to have to shoot it. My mind then thinks of how fast I could get out of there and how a mile isn't really that far to walk (or at this point run). I realize I'm overreacting, I will not leave, I will stay and I will shoot this gun!

We go to the shooting range where I've been before, but chickened out on shooting the gun. I know what to expect as far as the loudness, coldness of the range and the smell of guns being fired. We fill out our paperwork, put on our ear muff things and safety glasses (although apparently eye glasses are okay by themselves).

If you ask me Kelly and I are rocking our safety gear!

I personally enjoy I was wearing flowers in my hair to shoot guns!

Jakobe loads the gun and asks who wants to go first. I don't think this actually happened, but I'm imagining one of those scenes in a movie where there is a line of people and they are asked for a volunteer to step forward. The whole line takes a step back leaving the unsuspecting guy standing there as if he took a step forward. Yeah, I was the one to take a step back and quite possibly pushed Kelly forward. As she's shooting I'm still thinking of a way to get out of shooting the gun. Without coming up with anything good I'm called to the booth. I wanted to pee my skirt! Here is the real thing. This is a machine that can seriously hurt someone or even kill them! I know it's time to face my fear. I go forward in what seemed like slow motion. Jakobe loads the clip for me and hands me the gun, reminds me how to line it up to shoot my target and holds my hands to make sure I don't drop the gun.

Getting ready to take my first shot. 

(Jakobe held my hands from the bottom when I took the shot... clearly if this was how he held my hand he would have been a bit bloody from the slider part sliding back)

I line the gun so the three little dots are aiming right at the target. My heart is racing. My mind is one big blur. I close my eyes and pull the trigger. I open my eyes, hand Jakobe the gun and say something to the effect of, "Okay, thanks. I'm done!" He encourages me to finish the clip, but I'm so scared. I then realized I had closed my eyes and that probably isn't a good thing to do. I then make it a goal to shoot with my eyes open. I figured I'm here and might as well keep going. 

I line my shot up again, try to calm the blur going on in my head, close my eyes and pull the trigger. SHOOT! I closed my eyes again. I say to myself that I will keep my eyes open and shoot it again!

I line my shot up, yet again, try to calm the blur going on in my head, remind myself to keep my eyes open, close my eyes and pull the trigger. Darn it! I closed my eyes again. At this point I'm thinking maybe I don't need to keep my eyes open. I am hitting my target and this is a safe place for shooting and nothing or anyone will be walking in front of me. 

But, I then realize that's not good. Even though this is a safe place I need to be able to shoot with my eyes open!

I line my shot up, try to calm the blur going on in my head, remind myself to keep my eyes open and pull the trigger. I did it! I shot the gun with my eyes open!

I finish the clip and put the gun down. I'm good. I did it. I not only shot a gun, but kept my eyes open! Jakobe, Kelly and the other guys keep shooting. I'm asked if I want to shoot again, but I'm good. I don't feel the need to and I've done what I've come to do. 

As I was watching them shoot I then thought how well I could shoot the target. Would I be all over the place? Would I shoot the bulls eye? I'll never know if I don't give it another go. I tell Jakobe what I want to do and he sets a new target up. He then tells me this time I have to load the clip myself. I'm thinking, "Huh?!? I have to do what? I don't want to touch the bullets! That's the part that is the dangerous part!" He shows me how to do it and gives me the look of, "Do it. Do it now!" He then says, "I won't always be there to load your clip." I realize he's right and if I want to shoot the bulls eye I'm going to have to load this clip myself. Jakobe walks me through it again and tells me how to put the clip in the gun. I'm good to go. I line up my shot and go for it. 

Would you believe it? I got a bulls eye! Not only once, but twice!

The other shots are all within the black part of the bulls eye 

(which is hard to see in this picture).

Not bad if you ask me. For the second time shooting a gun I didn't do so bad! 

I think this will go in the scrapbook next to my first hair cut (Which, by the way, would you imagine my hair was buzzed just 2 years ago when my mom had cancer? It's so good to realize not only did my hair grow back and is so long now, but my mom is here with her long hair too!).

The gun I was shooting was a .22, but Jakobe's friends had a .9 and asked if I wanted to shoot it. I wasn't too excited about it, but figured why not. Here's an opportunity - take it! That was more scary because of the kick back being stronger, but I shot it a few times and called it good. Jakobe also had a small little gun that belongs to his mom. It is so small I could put my hand over it and completely cover the gun. It was so pretty. It was gold and shiny with a pink handle with a rose painted on it. Now, if ever there was a gun for me to shoot this was one for me! What doesn't scream "Alice" than pink and shiny? Jakobe sets that one up for us to all try. When it was my turn I get the gun and am thinking how cute and little it is. I line up my shot and about pee my skirt on the kick back it had! I was not expecting THAT! How can something so cute and little be so scary? Then I realized, yeah, I'm cute and little and can be scary at times too. 

By the end of the time I was ready to be casted on the next Charlie's Angels

I may still have a racing heart when I think of shooting a gun, but I now know if ever I'm in a situation where I'm handed a gun and I need to shoot it I know what to do. I just pray I never have to be in a situation like that, but I did overcome my fear AND know how to handle a gun from start to finish! 

I want to give a special thank you to Jakobe for being patient with me and encouraging me along the way. I really appreciate your help in conquering this fear. I also want to thank Kelly for going first and paving the way of bravery. I'm glad we get to share this "first" and I do believe we rocked our safety gear... we might even be able to pull off our rocked safety gear outside of the shooting range... eh, maybe not.