God Given Goals for 2013

Lately God has been giving me a lot of goals to work on this year. When written out the list isn't long, but when it comes down to accomplishing each goal the list seems twenty times bigger than that short list.

Here's the list of goals:

• Write a Book
• Lead Vacation Bible School (VBS)
• Write the curriculum for VBS
• Lead a Girls Group

Here's a little more on what each entails:

Write a Book

In this book God is asking me to share my story of His faithfulness in the past three years as well as a concept in being single that isn't so new, but many have turned upside down from what God is asking us to do. I have an outline completed. In the outline there are very personal things I'm being asked to share. The struggle I'm having is to write out the entire story and let it potentially be in the book. I know there will be a lot of editing and drafts and what I write now may not end up in the finial draft which could potentially be published, but to know what I write could end up in the final draft is a bit overwhelming. As far as actually publishing this book that's even more scary to think about, but at the same time that's a long ways down the road and I need to get writing first. 

On one hand I know this is what I'm being asked to write about and I know I can trust God for the guidance. On the other hand it's hard to open up like this and the hesitation I'm having is tough to overcome and just get writing. 

To help with this I'm only focusing on one story/chapter at a time. I have my outline and a starting point. I need to set time aside and just get writing!

Lead Vacation Bible School

Last year I was asked to lead VBS and I did. I had an awesome VBS team and couldn't have done it without them. Unfortunately a lot of VBS team members will not be able to help this year for various reasons. Knowing this fact is a bit scary when I'm asked to lead VBS again this year. 

While praying about what curriculum to use none of the curriculums available were jumping out at me to use for this year. I thought, "AWESOME! I'm off the hook! I don't have to lead VBS this year!" But, God then told me to write my own VBS curriculum. I pulled the breaks before God could continue and tried to ignore the call. Naturally, God waited until I slowed my train of thought going in the opposite direction of his call before he gave me a vision of what He had in mind. I realized I'm going to end up leading VBS AND writing the curriculum, so I might as well turn my train of thought around and stop wasting time before I end up in a fish called Grace (thanks Pricilla Shirer for writing Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted) to bring me back to what God is calling me to do. 

The vision God gave me is like no other VBS I've ever attended, helped with or lead. The concept is a little confusing at first, yet so simple when it comes down to it. I'm still developing the plan, but writing the week of curriculum, skits, opening/closing ceremonies, as well as coming up with the crafts, games and snacks won't be as difficult as I originally thought them to be. I know there will be times of struggle in this process, but I do know God's called me to it, so he will guide me through it. 

Lead a Girls Group

This was another call God has given me where I tried to ignore the call and go in the opposite direction. I do know, however, I have a lot to share in my personal testimony to lead these girls (middle school and high school aged) to God's will for their lives. Growing up I was a part of a girls group called C.A.R.E. Group (Caring And Reaching Everyone). I know the impact C.A.R.E. Group had on me and I know God is asking me to give that same impact to these girls. With that in mind I agreed and will be starting the group at the end of February. 

The thing I was worried about was having time to prepare for our time together with my already fully schedule (which was being pushed to the brim with the addition of the previous two God Given Goals), but God gave me a book to use as a guide and the schedule of meeting times happens to be every other week so I'll have time to prepare on the off weeks. Bonus. 

In a nutshell this is going to be one busy year for me. On top of the God Given Goals I'm turning 30 this year and am planning a birthday party I wasn't expecting to plan. I didn't want to have a party this year because I've had a party each year for the past few years and I don't need another party. But, with turning 30 my family convinced me to have a party. In a nutshell, in my 29 years of life I've never once dressed up as Alice in Wonderland let alone had an Alice in Wonderland party. So, for my 30th birthday I'll not only be dressing up like Alice in Wonderland (and my family dressing as other characters) the theme of the party will be Alice in Wonderland... however the whole party will be MY version of an Alice in Wonderland which will include tutus and glitter. I'm trying to keep the party simple... but that's quickly turning out to be something quite different, as all Alice in Wonderland stories happen to be. 

Conquering Fears: Shooting A Gun

I have a few fears I've had since I was a little kid. Some I've learned to cope with and others I have ignored and found a way to not have to deal with them. Shooting a gun was on my list until this past weekend.

A few months ago my friend Jakobe asked my friend Kelly and I if we wanted to go shooting. At the time I said no and didn't think much of it after that. After a few weeks I realized I don't want to be the person who doesn't do things because she's afraid. I want to try new things even if I'm scared. Even if I do it only once I should give it a try. I then thought if I'm given an opportunity I can take I should take it. I called my friend and let him know the next time he goes shooting to give me a call. It's time I conquer this fear.

Time goes on and I don't hear anything about it. I forget I told him I wanted to conquer this fear and I don't think much more of it. Last Sunday after church I see Jakobe, Kelly and a few other people talking, so I go over to say hello. Jakobe then asks what I'm doing that afternoon and I let him know after lunch with a friend I'm free. He then informs me they are going shooting and I should go with them. Immediately I try thinking of a way out, "Something came up, I have to work, my mom needs me at home, I need to wash my hair..." Then I quickly flash back to 2 seconds ago where I just said I was free. Darn it! I can't get out of going. They know I'm free. I have to go and I can't back down now.

After lunch I meet up with Jakobe, Kelly and a few of Jakobe's friends. We go over gun safety and how to handle the gun. Just before I was handed the gun I was thinking, "I want to leave. I have to leave. Shoot! We carpooled. How far is it to walk back to my car?" I'm then handed the gun and I'm so scared, but it's not so bad. I know it's not loaded. It's just a machine. I'm just holding a harmless machine. Then I'm thinking about how in the next half hour this thing will be loaded and I'm going to have to shoot it. My mind then thinks of how fast I could get out of there and how a mile isn't really that far to walk (or at this point run). I realize I'm overreacting, I will not leave, I will stay and I will shoot this gun!

We go to the shooting range where I've been before, but chickened out on shooting the gun. I know what to expect as far as the loudness, coldness of the range and the smell of guns being fired. We fill out our paperwork, put on our ear muff things and safety glasses (although apparently eye glasses are okay by themselves).

If you ask me Kelly and I are rocking our safety gear!

I personally enjoy I was wearing flowers in my hair to shoot guns!

Jakobe loads the gun and asks who wants to go first. I don't think this actually happened, but I'm imagining one of those scenes in a movie where there is a line of people and they are asked for a volunteer to step forward. The whole line takes a step back leaving the unsuspecting guy standing there as if he took a step forward. Yeah, I was the one to take a step back and quite possibly pushed Kelly forward. As she's shooting I'm still thinking of a way to get out of shooting the gun. Without coming up with anything good I'm called to the booth. I wanted to pee my skirt! Here is the real thing. This is a machine that can seriously hurt someone or even kill them! I know it's time to face my fear. I go forward in what seemed like slow motion. Jakobe loads the clip for me and hands me the gun, reminds me how to line it up to shoot my target and holds my hands to make sure I don't drop the gun.

Getting ready to take my first shot. 

(Jakobe held my hands from the bottom when I took the shot... clearly if this was how he held my hand he would have been a bit bloody from the slider part sliding back)

I line the gun so the three little dots are aiming right at the target. My heart is racing. My mind is one big blur. I close my eyes and pull the trigger. I open my eyes, hand Jakobe the gun and say something to the effect of, "Okay, thanks. I'm done!" He encourages me to finish the clip, but I'm so scared. I then realized I had closed my eyes and that probably isn't a good thing to do. I then make it a goal to shoot with my eyes open. I figured I'm here and might as well keep going. 

I line my shot up again, try to calm the blur going on in my head, close my eyes and pull the trigger. SHOOT! I closed my eyes again. I say to myself that I will keep my eyes open and shoot it again!

I line my shot up, yet again, try to calm the blur going on in my head, remind myself to keep my eyes open, close my eyes and pull the trigger. Darn it! I closed my eyes again. At this point I'm thinking maybe I don't need to keep my eyes open. I am hitting my target and this is a safe place for shooting and nothing or anyone will be walking in front of me. 

But, I then realize that's not good. Even though this is a safe place I need to be able to shoot with my eyes open!

I line my shot up, try to calm the blur going on in my head, remind myself to keep my eyes open and pull the trigger. I did it! I shot the gun with my eyes open!

I finish the clip and put the gun down. I'm good. I did it. I not only shot a gun, but kept my eyes open! Jakobe, Kelly and the other guys keep shooting. I'm asked if I want to shoot again, but I'm good. I don't feel the need to and I've done what I've come to do. 

As I was watching them shoot I then thought how well I could shoot the target. Would I be all over the place? Would I shoot the bulls eye? I'll never know if I don't give it another go. I tell Jakobe what I want to do and he sets a new target up. He then tells me this time I have to load the clip myself. I'm thinking, "Huh?!? I have to do what? I don't want to touch the bullets! That's the part that is the dangerous part!" He shows me how to do it and gives me the look of, "Do it. Do it now!" He then says, "I won't always be there to load your clip." I realize he's right and if I want to shoot the bulls eye I'm going to have to load this clip myself. Jakobe walks me through it again and tells me how to put the clip in the gun. I'm good to go. I line up my shot and go for it. 

Would you believe it? I got a bulls eye! Not only once, but twice!

The other shots are all within the black part of the bulls eye 

(which is hard to see in this picture).

Not bad if you ask me. For the second time shooting a gun I didn't do so bad! 

I think this will go in the scrapbook next to my first hair cut (Which, by the way, would you imagine my hair was buzzed just 2 years ago when my mom had cancer? It's so good to realize not only did my hair grow back and is so long now, but my mom is here with her long hair too!).

The gun I was shooting was a .22, but Jakobe's friends had a .9 and asked if I wanted to shoot it. I wasn't too excited about it, but figured why not. Here's an opportunity - take it! That was more scary because of the kick back being stronger, but I shot it a few times and called it good. Jakobe also had a small little gun that belongs to his mom. It is so small I could put my hand over it and completely cover the gun. It was so pretty. It was gold and shiny with a pink handle with a rose painted on it. Now, if ever there was a gun for me to shoot this was one for me! What doesn't scream "Alice" than pink and shiny? Jakobe sets that one up for us to all try. When it was my turn I get the gun and am thinking how cute and little it is. I line up my shot and about pee my skirt on the kick back it had! I was not expecting THAT! How can something so cute and little be so scary? Then I realized, yeah, I'm cute and little and can be scary at times too. 

By the end of the time I was ready to be casted on the next Charlie's Angels

I may still have a racing heart when I think of shooting a gun, but I now know if ever I'm in a situation where I'm handed a gun and I need to shoot it I know what to do. I just pray I never have to be in a situation like that, but I did overcome my fear AND know how to handle a gun from start to finish! 

I want to give a special thank you to Jakobe for being patient with me and encouraging me along the way. I really appreciate your help in conquering this fear. I also want to thank Kelly for going first and paving the way of bravery. I'm glad we get to share this "first" and I do believe we rocked our safety gear... we might even be able to pull off our rocked safety gear outside of the shooting range... eh, maybe not.