Bucking Horses

After going to a rodeo with friends last Saturday I came up with this analogy and wanted to share it with the hope anyone who reads it will understand we serve a God who wants the best for us. I am not a horse trainer, nor do I know technical terms or the exact way horses are trained, but after listening to a friend describe some of what happens I came up with this analogy.

Horses all start out with training for temperament and ability. Some horses are recognized very early on as having good temperament and easy to train. These horses are then trained to do whatever the handler wants them to do and they respond and learn what they are supposed to do. Then there are those horses who will respond with a little more work and motivation. These horses need a little more time and at times will need to be taken by the bridle and walked through where they need to go, but overall will learn to do what they’ve been asked. Then there are the stubborn horses who fight anything and everything. They have their own way and won’t listen to anyone - no matter how much force is used. These horses are then sent into the bucking horse circuit. 

These bucking horses are then used for what they are good at - bucking and being wild. Unfortunately though, it’s not like their bucking and being wild is all natural at this point. To ensure the horse will buck, a strap is placed uncomfortably close to the genitals and made to be extremely uncomfortable. The bucking horse is now being forced to do something they might not want to do at that moment, not to mention this way is a lot more uncomfortable than if the were to just obey when they were first being trained. 

Watching these bucking horses I noticed the real wild ones who had bucked off their rider would continue to think they could release their discomfort on their own and didn’t realize when another horse and cowboy came near the strap would be released. The bucking horse would try to escape the other horse and cowboy too stubborn to realize they were there to help and ease the discomfort. 

Not all of the bucking horses were like this though, some realized after they bucked off their rider and the other horse with the cowboy came near they’d stop bucking as wildly and seemed to allow the horse and cowboy to do their job knowing the discomfort would soon be relieved. I’d like to think these horses have learned their way might not have been the best, but now know what they need to do to ease the discomfort by allowing the horse and cowboy to come along side them. 

Here is my analogy of how God uses his children: Some children are called and respond quickly and learn early on what they need to do and do just that. Some children are called and need a little coaching, but eventually catch on and do what they need to do and do just that. Then there are those children who are called, but think they can do it on their own. They are wild and buck at anything who tries to control them. They think they are going to do their own thing, but in reality are controlled by the very thing they think they have control over only to realize this only causes more discomfort. Some children at this point realize the help when it comes along and sadly some don’t and continue to think they are still in control and can do it on their own. 

God is that cowboy who uses the trained horse who will obey and follow directions no matter what the circumstance looks like - even if it is riding alongside a bucking horse who can injure anyone who comes near. The difference between these two horses is God is on the trained horse who is looking out for the safety and will pull back when the bucking horse is in a position that will harm the trained horse, but will then reposition the trained horse to ride alongside the bucking horse and will reach over to release the strap causing discomfort... but the bucking horse needs to allow the cowboy to do so. 

So my question is what kind of horse have you been and what kind of horse do you want to be? I’ve been like the horse that needs a little extra training and at times needs to be lead by the bridle, but eventually catches on. My prayer is God will now use me to come along side the bucking horse so He can ease their discomfort. 

"For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, because our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction. You know how we lived among you for your sake. You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. And so you became a model to all the believers." 1 Thessalonians 1:4-7

9 weeks and 3 days later...

Well, I'm happy to report my injury of falling down the stairs is almost 100% healed. I just saw the doctor/surgeon for the last time. I still have some limited range of motion, but with some stretches and exercise it will be back to normal soon. Same thing for my toe. Although he didn't give specific stretches, but just mentioned walking in normal shoes should stretch it out.

While trying to tell him how much better I am I tried explaining how my wrist is better than when I crochet and it starts hurting and looses range of motion. He asked more about that and in a nut shell would like me to hurry and heal so I can crochet and injure myself again so he can check it out. Yes, you heard me right, hurry up and heal so I can injure myself again! He thinks it's tendonitis when I crochet, but would like to examine me to make sure. As far as the injury to my wrist he said it was a bad sprain and didn't have anything to do with previous injuries or conditions.

I'm just thinking back to 9 weeks and 3 days ago and how sad I was and how I wasn't looking forward to the fact I was going to have to learn how to walk without bending my toe and learn not to use my left hand/arm. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it, but I have and I'm proud of myself. I learned to ask for help when I needed it and learned how to do things on my own when no one could help me.

I am proud of my milestones which include carrying a bowl of cereal and glass of juice to the table with one hand and limping the whole way. I'm proud I figured out how to bathe myself with minimal assistance (but I will forever remember Glaphre and Gina helping me the first night... and peeing on Gina... I am sorry about that! But if it makes her feel better it wasn't a lot and probably didn't get on her... well, hopefully). I'm proud I figured out how to drive one handed (but am very grateful for my dad who took me to school for the first month of my last semester in college). I'm proud of creating meals I could cook with one hand (but I am thankful for my mom who would bring me breakfast, lunch, and dinner in bed when it was hard for me to walk and cook one handed). I remember the first night I didn't wear the big boot to bed and how happy I was when I could sleep under the blankets without bumping my toe and it hurting so bad I couldn't sleep! I also had my birthday party where I thought I was going to have to cancel because I wasn't going to be able to put it all together, but family and friends helped and it was such a great night. I'm impressed I've been able to stay in my classes and will still graduate in December (assuming I can get my work done... I'm slowly catching up on those assignments that slipped by in all the hustle and bustle of everything). Overall, this was not something I'd want to do again, but I got through it and I'd like to think I'm stronger than I am on this end than when I first came to the beginning of it all.

TWO thumbs up for TWO thumbs up!

Somethin' Pumpkin

I love the fall. I read somewhere people tend to like the season they were born in. I don't know if this is true for every one, but it's true for me. I love the cooler weather. You know, the kind where if you forget your sweater it's not a horrible thing, but you kind of wish you hadn't forgotten to grab it on your way out the door. I love the cool colors of fall. The way the muted colors say, "Why hello there, are you ready to eat something pumpkin and enjoy your day?" I love to walk into a restaurant and see how they've tried to incorporate pumpkin into a favorite dish and most of the time succeeding.

I love pumpkin flavored items and since my birthday is in September this is the start of pumpkin flavors on the menu. I like to think this is a happy birthday gesture from all my favorite places to eat - in which I say, thank you!

The one thing I don't like about fall is Halloween. I don't like the scary things everywhere. I tend to watch more of my DVD's during October than any other month because of all the scary themed shows and movies playing on TV. I just don't like Halloween. Well, not all of Halloween, just the spooky scary witches and goblins part. I do enjoy the fact one night a year you can go to your neighbors and ask for candy and they graciously give you some! I love the neighbors who give you a handful of the yummy chocolate candy and only kind of like the neighbors who give you a handful of butterscotch and candy corn... okay, so I really don't like those neighbors, but they do provide me with candy to trade so that brings them back up on my like scale. If I had my way (without being a mean lady) I'd give more candy to the cute kids dressed as super heros, princesses, clowns, cute foods, and any other cute costume and less candy to the kids dressed as mean witches, scary goblins, creepy zombies, and any other unpleasantly frightening costume. I'm thinking I'd have two bowls of candy one of yummy chocolates and the other of icky butterscotch and depending on the choice of costume I'd give candy accordingly. Then again, this would make me the mean lady and I'm sure I'd find unpleasant things thrown at my house, so I'll just stick with the yummy chocolates.

I also enjoy Thanksgiving. I love how I can have a plate of starchy foods and it's not odd. I love being stuffed so full I'm ready for a nap (no tryptophan for me! Unless it's added to tofurkey). I enjoy this is a time where family comes together, but I don't have to stress about presents for everyone and then if they will like their presents. Then again if my Christmas shopping isn't finished before Thanksgiving (really by fall) I'm a little stressed and am frantically thinking of what I'm going to do. Yes, I know, this makes me THAT person who is planning Christmas gifts in the summer, but let me try to explain where I'm coming from. First of all, I'm a very crafty girl and if I come up with something I want to make for everyone (like the fleece blankets for 8 family members or the crocheted beanies for 8 family members and a few extra for gift exchanges) I have to plan ahead so I have time to make them all. The other big thing is by starting early I can pace myself and I'm not hit with a HUGE Christmas gift bill in December. Bonus! Not to mention I'm not frantically going from store to store in the mad rush of Christmas shoppers. Double bonus!

Anyhow, these are the things I love (and a few things I don't) about fall. I'm now going to enjoy something pumpkin and enjoy my day!

Nothing too exciting - just nail designs and amazing pizza recipe

I have a special nail polish where the brush is long and thin so it's easier to make stripes. I kind of went overboard and got almost every color under the sun (well, not really, but I do have a lot). My sister told me I could practice on her. This has turned into me painting her toe nails every few weeks and trying something new. The first time were Purple and Green cow spots. The next time she requested white and black cow spots (She likes cows in case you were wondering). This time her students (high school students by the way) requested purple with green polka dots. I'm wondering who will request her next nail design? I think the guy on the street might have some great ideas. :-)

For my nails I like making a plaid design. It's super easy, but looks so complicated and even strangers comment on my nails. This time after doing polka dots on my sister's nails I thought I'd do a mix of polka dots and plaid. While I was painting them my other sister commented on how they look like a princess design. I have to agree.

Pink polish. Pink glitter plaid. Pink polka dots.

While being creative the other night I wanted to make my own pizza. While at the store I couldn't find pizza dough and was almost to the point where I wouldn't be able to carry my groceries into the house because my wrist was hurting from pushing the cart (I did my best one handed, but it's more difficult than I thought), so I didn't want to take the time to ask someone where I could find the pizza dough. At that point I figured I'd just take what I have and see what I could come up with. I had English muffins and figured if nothing else I could make English muffin pizzas. When I got home I was putting away my groceries and wondered if I could make a pizza with tortillas. I thought about how they'd flop around and wondered if I were to bake them first if they'd become firm enough to hold a pizza with toppings. After the first batch which tasted great, but had a few big bubbles, I figured out how to make the tortilla "crust" perfect. 

Here's the perfected recipe:

Pre heat the oven to 400.  Spray the tortilla on both sides with cooking spray (I used Pam because that's what we have). Take a fork and poke the tortilla about a million times - okay, you do not need to do this exactly, but it's fun to over exaggerate, but you do need to poke it all over to prevent bubbles. Bake for about 5 minutes or just before the tortilla is golden brown. While it's baking check to make sure no big bubbles form... if so, use your fork to poke it a few more times. When it's slightly golden add about three teaspoons of pizza sauce, but be careful not to go too close to the edge otherwise it will seep off while baking. Add a little mozzarella cheese (although I used cheddar and jack mix once and it was just as good), don't add too much otherwise it will cause all your toppings to slide off. I use about a handful (I have small hands). Add fresh spinach leafs in a single layer all over. Add onions (any type really, but I finely chop mine so the flavor isn't too overwhelming). I like green onions, but any will do. Top with feta cheese crumbles. Bake for another 5 minutes or until the spinach starts to look sad... take it out of the oven so the spinach can be happy. Cut into quarters and add some fresh avocado to each quarter and eat. 

I've missed shoes

It's been a few weeks since I've posted about my healing injuries. It's a little frustrating I'm not completely healed, but I've been told this takes time. I've tried wearing regular shoes, but each time I've regretted it. The other day I was anxious to get exercising and decided to go for a walk. Five minutes later I'm limping back home rethinking my ambitious desire to get some fresh air. After a few hours my toe stopped throbbing. I thought about walking with my Frankenstein boot, but my tennis shoe sole is shorter so I limp and I'm worried about hurting my knees. Hurt my knees or my toe... I'm not sure what is the worse of the two evils. I'm hoping very soon I'll be able to wear regular shoes and I can start exercising again.

As far as my wrist, every day it seems I can bend it more and more. I'm still struggling on picking things up and holding things with any sort of weight to them. I did notice the other day I held my cell phone in my left hand and it didn't hurt. That was an exciting moment for me. It's sad something as light as a cell phone could be such an accomplishment! I also tried sleeping without the brace, but like wearing shoes it was a little ambitious of me to do so. Apparently I move a lot in my sleep with a lot of clinched fists (Let me just take a moment right now and apologize to my future husband). Needless to say I'll wait on no brace while sleeping for at least another week. 

Here's an interesting fact: I have a patch of black hair growing on my wrist/arm. At first I thought all the hair on my arm was black because it hasn't seen the light of day in eight weeks, but when examining my arm closer I realized it's a patch about 2 inches in diameter. I started plucking the black hairs, but then realized I'd then have a 2 inch diameter hairless patch on my arm... I stopped when I came to my senses. 

This past week tried my hand at editing a video. My sister and niece asked how I painted my nails in a plaid pattern. I tried explaining over the phone, but they asked for a video. I knew this would be an hour long video unless I edited it down. I think I did a pretty good job for having no clue what I was doing. Now if only I could figure out how to post it here and I'd be set. I'm bummed I can't figure it out. I'm really proud of my first edited video. Maybe another day when I have more time I'll see if I can figure it out. Until then I'm going to dream of exercising without pain in normal shoes.

Cancer Free Mom

A year ago October 1st my mom found out she had breast cancer. We weren't sure what was going to happen in the next year and all processed in our own ways. Now a year later I'm happy to report my mom is cancer free. We're all very grateful it is a year later and besides a few doctors visits and therapy appointments all seems to be normal, well, as normal can be after cancer.

I wanted to do something special for my mom on this anniversary to celebrate the fact she's here to celebrate. At first she wasn't on board for celebrating and didn't see the significance to getting dressed up and going out. I finally coaxed her to get dressed (not nearly as dressed up as I wanted her to be, but then again wearing a ball gown to the mall isn't exactly appropriate attire) and out we went to celebrate being cancer free one year later!

I didn't have an exact plan of what to do or where to go, but I had seen on a cancer support website to celebrate with a charm bracelet. I then imagined a bracelet so full of charms to represent all the milestones she's reached the charms would hardly move because they are so jammed packed on this bracelet! I LOVED the idea! Then again, sometimes my ideas can be a little out there for my family to understand at first so I wanted to keep this a surprise until we were at the store. Unfortunately since I didn't tell my mom where we were going or what we were doing she was dragging her feet and the stores I wanted to go to had closed (why is a mall closing on a Saturday night at 8:00??? Wouldn't this be a night people could stay out later??? As you can tell I'm still a little upset the malls closed so early... and yes I said malls... as in more than one!). The only other store I knew was open just so happened to be at Downtown Disney and I knew it was going to be crowded and not some place to take a weary not-really-wanting-to-be-there-at-all-especially-all-dressed-up mom. In the end I think she was glad we compromised on the dressing up with a little sparkle on her new shirt and new pants so she didn't feel overdressed, but I still wore my non-ball gown dress and toned it down with the jean jacket (I will find an occasion to wear my ball gown though!).

My mom and I out to celebrate being cancer free!

Once we got to the jewelry store I told my mom what my plan was for the charm bracelet. At this point she was along for the ride and stopped dragging her feet and just went along with me. We walked through the store and I told her she could pick out anything she wanted, but it needed to be able to have charms added to it. I pointed out a few bracelets and necklaces (I wasn't sure if she'd prefer a necklace to a bracelet, but either would work). She then told me she had some bracelets like this she got on her Europe trip a few years back and didn't want a new one. I told her this was significant because this celebrates being cancer free. She then asked if we could just get a charm to put on the bracelet she's never worn. I figured if this is going to keep her in the store I'll go with it and pick out a few more charms than the one I was thinking of originally. 

We started picking out charms and then she'd see one that was "for" one of my sisters, or "just perfect" for whatever. Next thing I knew we had half a dozen on the counter picked out and still looking for more! Here's what we ended up with and who/what it reminds her of:

Top row: "2011" - the first year since she found out she had cancer, "#1 Grandma" - well, that's easy to understand - the representation of her granddaughter and grandson, Armadillo - to represent the Texans (my sister and her family in Texas), Cow - to represent my older sister, Spool of Thread - to represent me, Dolphin - to represent my little sister

Bottom Row: Butterfly - to represent new life, Red Rose - to represent new life, "T" and birthstone - to represent her husband, "A" and birthstone - to represent my oldest sister, "G" and birthstone - to represent my older sister, "A" and birthstone - to represent me, and "G" and birthstone to represent my younger sister.

She may decide later the top row might represent something else like the end of chemo or radiation in the past year, but she picked them because they reminded her of said people. When we saw the initials she couldn't decide between the character or initials with birthstones. I figured why not get both. 

She chose what she wanted, but the only one I insisted to get her was the butterfly. I love the representation of the butterfly. I don't remember where I heard this from, but this is what I think of when I see a butterfly (real or image). The butterfly starts off as a caterpillar and then goes through a transformation in a cocoon. In order for the new beautiful butterfly to come out of the cocoon it has to break through the cocoon shell. It has to struggle to get free. This is not necessarily easy, but it is a must for the butterfly to get free. No one can do this for the butterfly because if someone were to cut open the cocoon to let the butterfly free it's wings would not be strong enough to fly and it would soon die. By struggling to break through the cocoon on it's own the wings are strengthened enough so when it finally does break free it can fly away and enjoy it's new life as a beautiful butterfly. 

I figured my mom deserves a beautiful butterfly to remind her of the struggle she's been through in this past year to begin her new life as a strong beautiful butterfly. 

When we left the store I think my mom understood what I was doing, but I wasn't sure what she thought. When we got home I knew she liked the idea and was excited for her new bracelet because in the time it's taken me to write this she's come in multiple times asking what chain to put them on and the order that would look best. At this point I tell her it's her choice, beautiful butterfly.

UPDATE: October 3, 2011
When we went back to get the charms put on my mom's bracelet a cast member handed me a button. I thought it was weird he was handing me a button, but figured why not take it. I thanked him for the button and then looked at the button. After I read what was on the button I put it on my mom. The button read "I'm celebrating being here!" (the cast member wrote "being here" on the button). I thought, "Man, I'm not even sure he understands just how exciting this button is, but I sure am glad I get to put it on my mom!"

Here's my mom's button and the bracelet with all her charms 

with plenty of room for many more milestones!