God's Grace and Mercy

For the past week I've had a child, for privacy sake we'll call her Megumi, who has been acting differently. Knowing her history I know there is a lot this nine year old is dealing with and processing in her short life. I continue to give her grace (giving her what she doesn't deserve) to show her true love. I continually ask God to give me ways to show her His love through me. I continually ask God for the time to spend one on one with her even though it's difficult with nine other girls to look after.

This past week has been especially difficult because of Megumi's attitude and behavior. She had been refusing to eat for a few days and I couldn't figure out why. I figured she'd eventually get hungry enough and eat when she's ready. When she was struggling with her homework one night I allowed her to come into my apartment (which is connected to their dorm through a dutch door and was made off limits for the time being for the girls taking things from my apartment without permission). While she was finishing up her homework her roommate was cleaning the room, but left maybe half a dozen of Megumi's clothes to put away. When Megumi was finished with her homework I told her she needed to finish cleaning her room by putting away her clothes and then taking a shower. She looks me squarely in the face and says, "I'd rather sit on my bed and cry." She then proceeded to go into her room and cry on her bed.

I left her to cry on her bed while the other girls finished their movie we had started the previous week. At this point I wasn't concerned about her crying herself to sleep because we had changed our schedule and did our nightly devotions right after dinner. What I didn't expect was her realizing I wasn't giving her attention and her doing what she could to get attention. Megumi started by crying louder. I just stood down the hall to keep an eye on the girls watching the movie while keeping an ear out for Megumi crying on her bed. She then tried kicking the wall. I stood at her door, just out of sight, to make sure she wasn't doing it in a way to hurt herself or the wall. She then got out of bed (still crying though this whole episode) and sat in her closet. She took her toothbrush and started banging it against her closet floor. At this point I realized she just wanted to disturb the other girls because they weren't paying attention to her crying for attention. When this didn't work she got louder and started tearing her closet apart by throwing the clothes off the hanger on to the floor. She started to bang anything that would make noise. I went in and told her that she can break her own things, but she cannot and will not break school property and removed her water cup the girls have in their rooms. She started to bang her ceramic piggy bank against her closet and I told her I didn't want to hear about it when the bank broke. She gave me a look of "I don't care!" but went back to banging her toothbrush on the closet floor as soon as I left the room.

When the girls movie was coming to an end I quickly realized if Megumi knew she had an audience this would be a lot longer of a tantrum than it needed to be (as if it wasn't already long enough). I went into her room and told her to get on her bed and she needed to be quiet. She again gave me the look of "I don't care!" and threw in a look of "I'm not moving!" I picked her up and put her on her bed (thank you Jesus for the strength!). By the time the girls were finished with their movie and were sent to bed Megumi's tantrum had stopped and she had fallen asleep. At this point I wasn't going to push the shower and figured she can shower and clean her room tomorrow morning when I wake her up before the other girls.

The following morning I went into her room and told her she needed to shower and clean her room. She got up and got moving. I left her to get myself ready before the other girls needed to get up. When I went back into the hall to wake the other girls up Megumi was dressed and selectively picking up her room. I wasn't going to force another tantrum and just let her be, but I realized she hadn't taken a shower. I let her know I appreciated her getting up, dressed and cleaning her room, but she forgot to shower. She just huffed at me and crawled on her bed. I wasn't going to play her game and left her room to get the other girls on task of getting ready.

A little while later I was thinking how great it was to have all the girls ready for school early and we were going to be early for breakfast (we tend to be a little late in the mornings), but then I realized I hadn't seen Megumi in awhile. Another child peeks into her room and tells me Megumi is asleep on her bed. So much for going to breakfast early! I went in and tried to wake her, but she won't move. I called the other dorm mom for help in taking my other girls to breakfast while I dealt with Megumi (who was now awake, but not moving).

With the other girls off to breakfast I sit on the edge of Megumi's bed and remind her how I can't help her if she doesn't talk to me. She still refuses to talk to me. I tell her I'm going to my apartment and she can come talk to me when she's ready, but if she's not ready in the next 10 minutes it will be too late for breakfast. As I'm walking out of the room she tells me she needs to return something to me. Not having a clue what she's talking about I told her that was fine - I'll be in my apartment. As I'm walking down the hall I hear her getting up and moving around. I get to my apartment and try to look busy, but still trying to figure out what she needed to return to me.

She comes into my apartment and I stop what I'm "doing" to see her place an ace wrap bandage on my desk. She then says, "I stole this from you." Not sure what to say, and bewildered as to when she took the wrap and even why, I just looked at her. She then started to cry. I knew in this moment her odd behavior in the previous week was associated with this ace wrap she had stolen from my apartment. I knew I had every right to chew her up and spit her out. After all it's been two weeks since the girls have been under the ban of not having access to my apartment. I started to think of all the things I could punish her with... no special activities, extra chores, 100 sentences... no make that 100 paragraphs!

I then realized the guilt this child has been carrying and all she's done to shake it away only to have it weigh heavier and heavier upon her tiny nine year old shoulders. I then thought of God's mercy (not giving us what we deserve) and opened my mouth to hear the still calm words flow from my mouth, "I'm sad you stole from me, but I forgive you. I love you, Megumi."

Through her tears I can tell she doesn't believe me. She's waiting for her punishment. But, today, there is no punishment for she has been punished enough.

My attention is then drawn away by the office calling and needing my attention. When I return to Megumi I find her in the bathroom scrubbing the sink as if she's punishing herself and needing penitence for her action. I repeat myself, "I forgive you. I love you, Megumi." Her tears well up again. I repeat myself, "I love you."

We begin to walk to breakfast unsure if we're too late and I put my arm around her slumped shoulders and repeat to her, "I love you, Megumi." I can feel her shoulders lift and she looks at me with an expression I'll never forget. An expression of understanding that although I had every right to punish her until I couldn't think of anything else to punish her with, I forgive her and it's time to move on.

A few nights later we're at our weekly mid-week kid's program and the topic of the night: mercy. When given the definition of mercy and asked what it's called I see Megumi's little hand raise up ready to share what this very personal life lesson she's just learned is called, "When we don't get what we deserve it's called MERCY!"

I thank God I was able to be used as a personal lesson for this little girl, but in addition to her lesson I learned what it's like to extend mercy.

By the way, for those who do not know Megumi is the Japanese name for the American name Grace or blessing. What a blessing it is to have Megumi in my care this school year... even though the rough times she still is a blessing I get to extend grace upon!

Birthday Surprises and Laundry

Can we just take a moment and celebrate the fact I remembered to take pictures today? 

WHOO HOO!!!!

Okay, thank you. So, now on to what I was going to blog about today on the 3rd of September...

3 on the 3rd Picture #1: Surprise Party Clean-Up

This past weekend I had activities and events planned all weekend. The girls are here on my actual birthday and I know there were things going on this weekend people were going to be off campus doing. So, I sent out invitations and invited people to everything I was doing this weekend. Well, the weekend started off rocky with a few accidents on the highway and therefore the girls weren't able to be picked up until hours after the end of pick-up. Then the following day no one showed up for the activities. I was hurt and very disappointed. 

Sunday a friend and I went to Flagstaff after church. What I didn't know was there was a surprise party being thrown and they were decorating my hall and apartment. There was candy hidden throughout my apartment with notes that read, "Eat me..." and something about where it was hidden. It was very creative and thoughtful. This surprise party made up for the previous disappointment. We also had a potluck and game night Monday... so needless to say today's list involves party clean up. :)

3 on the 3rd Picture #2: Laundry

I know it's a mom thing to always be doing laundry... but there are days I wonder if I have more than 10 girls!

3 on the 3rd Picture #3: Laundry Project

Like I just said I have 10 girls and trying to keep track of who's clothes belong to whom is quite impossible. I write their names on their clothes, but yet still find clothes without names.  I finally got tired of asking the question, "Who's clothes are these?" I decided to hang their clothes up and let them find their clothes themselves.

The second "clothes line" is for clothes that weren't turned right side out before going into the laundry (mostly socks). Again... I have 10 girls with a minimum of 2 outfits each day (school uniform and play clothes) and I don't have time to turn 20 outfits right side out while sorting through their laundry.

The following are the signs above the "clothes line":

 Homeless Clothes

To take me to my rightful home ask

Miss Alice to write your name on me.

Uh Oh!

I'm Inside Out...

You can take me down and turn me right side out, but please

remember to keep me right side out before going into the laundry.

Just like my birthday weekend turned around for the better I'm hoping the laundry will turn around for the better.