Yesterday I had a student who was struggling with love. She kept repeating, "Nobody loves me." Through our conversation I listed people who love her: her dad, her sister, me, her teacher, other staff members... In which she responds, "Yeah, I know the staff loves me... but nobody loves me!" I wanted to ask her why she didn't just go eat worms, but realized it wasn't a good time for a joke.
I quietly prayed for this child and asked for help in how to help her understand she is loved. Then God reminded me of a book I read a long time ago: The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I then explained to her how there are 5 Love Languages and although she doesn't understand the love that is being spoken from certain people they do love her and she just needs to learn their Love Language.
She was quite worked up in her tantrum and wasn't willing to participate in the conversation, but I kept talking. I held up my fist with my thumb sticking out and did my best to remember the 5 Love Languages. I began, "First, there is the Love Language of Quality Time." I explained how the time can be simple things like sitting next to one another or can be a walk or doing errands. Then I held up my pointer finger, "Next, there is Physical Touch." I explained these are good touches and not meant to hurt one another. I pointed out how there is a specific staff member, Mr. A, who will tickle, tap, pull their hair, etc. as he passes by during mealtimes. I explained he doesn't do this to hurt them or bother them, but to say he loves them. I continued by holding up my third and middle finger, "Then, we have Gifts." I explained that gifts can cost money or they can be a gift from the heart. I explained how the little pictures the girls draw for me is speaking the Love Language of Gifts. I held up my ring finger, "Now, we have the Love Language of Words of Affirmation." and explained these are kind words we share to let someone know we love them. They can come in the form of letters and notes to one another or just noticing something nice about them and telling them with our words. Holding up all five fingers, "Last, we have Acts of Service." These are the things we do, I explain: helping do chores, letting others play with our toys, doing favors, etc.
She wasn't responding, but soaking it all in. I asked her what her Love Language was and she didn't respond. I asked if she wanted to hear my Love Language and she nods her head "yes." I tell her I have two Love Languages; Quality Time and Gifts are my two Love Languages. I gave her an assignment this go home weekend to watch her family and to figure out which Love Language they speak. I then made a poster where I listed the Love Languages, gave a definition and some examples and then gave room for her to write in her Love Language as well as the Love Language of others.
This morning during devotions I told them it was Friday, February 13th and asked if they knew what tomorrow was. They responded Saturday, February 14th?!? I asked why February 14th was a special day and they yell, "IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY!!!" Yep, the day of love. The girls then tell me they know about love because it's in the Bible and turn to 1 Corinthians 13 and start reading. I then thought, "Hum, I gave one girl an assignment this weekend. I should give them all an assignment." I ask the girl from yesterday's story to bring her poster to the living room. When she returns we go over each Love Language. Although I asked them if they knew of anyone with that Love Language in which they thought and thought, but didn't respond until I got to Physical Touch. The girl from yesterday responds with, "I know, Mr. A!" The other girls enthusiastically respond, "YEAH HE DOES LOVE US BECAUSE HE PUNCHES US!!!" I then explained that a punch is not always a Love Language, but in the case of Mr. A he doesn't punch them to hurt them. They one says, "Yeah, sometimes he pulls my hair."
During breakfast I tell Mr. A what was said during devotions and he became defensive until other female staff members chime in and say, "No, it's okay, that's your Love Language."
While going through the breakfast line one of the dorm moms was pouring syrup for the kids, a job she doesn't have to do, and I point out how Miss L is showing love by Acts of Service and pouring syrup. My girls then spent the rest of the morning pointing out Love Languages and how others are showing love.
As I'm sharing this story I'm hoping that they will learn to understand Love Languages because their relationships will be so much better off the sooner they can learn love comes in many languages.
No comments:
Post a Comment