It All Comes Together

I know I haven't been all that great at keeping this blog going. As many of you know I've been in this period of waiting. I know God has a plan for my life, but for the time being I've been waiting. I've been waiting because I know right here, right now is not a forever moment. I know God has something greater for me. When in a period of waiting it can be understandable to find myself getting comfortable and accept the lie that this might be it... with nothing else to look forward to. I always knew I was in waiting and I tried SO hard to ignore the lies and temptation to become comfortable because this is not the promise. The promise that God has a plan for my life and I just need to wait and be patient.

Well, the time has come to move on and moving I'll do. Not half way around the world to a new country with a new language, but to Arizona to be a dorm parent at an Indian school. There will be a new culture and the challenges that come along with that, but this is where God wants me and that's where I'll be.

About a month ago my sister was looking at the job board for a job herself when she came across a job listing and said it would be a perfect job for me. In the past three years or so I've seen many jobs that would be "perfect" for me. I've applied to a few without getting the job and others heard God's little whisper saying, "This isn't what I have for you. Keep waiting, your time is soon." I was expecting to hear God's whisper, but didn't hear the same whisper I've heard so many times before. Instead I heard, "Apply." I followed God's direction. I wish I could say I followed with full trust and enthusiasm, but I'd rather not lie. I was hesitant and waiting for SOMETHING to not fit or be right which then would let me know I'm still in this period of waiting. I sent in my application, had an interview via Skype and was offered the job. I actually didn't realize I had the job until I was sharing what was talked about during the interview with family and friends.

I then began to think about all the ways God has trained me and given me experience for this position. I thought about how everything in my life leads me to this job. I think of all of my work experience, my life experience, my schooling and overall life goals and purpose (to be a wife and a mother... and if this isn't as close to being a mother as a single woman I'm not sure what will be!).

While at Concordia working on my Bachelors in Behavioral Science: Sociology I wasn't sure exactly what I would be doing with my degree and figured a broad focus would be better than a specific focus. I took classes to reflect this, however, when I was taking a class on general people groups in America I found myself in a class where the professor didn't like me. She had it out for me. There would be students on their phones in class and she would say nothing to them, but me with my book open and not on the right page would get a lecture for not paying attention. When she started taking it out on my grades I was frustrated and not sure what to do. I was doing the same thing the other students were doing, but somehow my work was not what she was looking for and theirs was okay. I tried asking what it was that I was doing wrong, but she couldn't give me an answer. Fed-up, frustrated and hurt I dropped the class.

The following semester I took the only other class offered for that section's requirement. The class was Native People of North America. At the time I thought how this is SO specific of studying a people group and when would I ever need this information again? With no other option in classes I took this class. I was pleased when I found out it was offered by my favorite professor and even more excited when I found out this was his favorite class to teach. I knew his passion was going to be even higher than his normal high passion for his classes and at least this class was going to be more awesome than his other, already awesome, classes. I was right and this class was quite possibly my favorite class.

The following semester (now a year after the first class with the professor who didn't like me) I have a class with no other option and only one professor teaching it and as you could guess... it's the professor who doesn't like me. I was stressing out about taking this class. There was no other option and I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I figured in the very least I could get the books early and start reading with the goal of trying to get a handle on the subject before the class started. I got the three required books for the class and read one and half of another before the class began. The first day of class I was so nervous of what was going to happen. I got to class early and the first opportunity I had to talk her her I took. I approached her and inside I wanted to run and cry in the opposite direction. On the outside I was holding back tears of fear. I explained to her how I got the books ahead of time to try and get a better understanding of the class, but wasn't sure what to read first (I had sent her an e-mail, but she never responded to it). She informed me she didn't get the e-mail and the book I had completed was the first book we were going to go cover. She asked me some questions and said I understood the concept and main points in the book. She then told me to stop reading the second book and read the third because that was the next book we'd be covering, but what I had read I had an understanding of the subject at hand. I left that day still not sure how she would treat me, but at least I was on the right track. The rest of the class I was one of her favorite students.  Mid semester I asked her if she remembered me in the class from the year before. I was confused how she could have hated me so, but now loved me. She looked at me puzzled and said, "You weren't in that class!" Not wanting to argue the point nor bring back any upset feelings I responded with a simple, "Oh, I must be thinking of another class" and left it at that. I was confused, but I wasn't about to push the issue.

It wasn't until now that I realized and fully understood how God had a plan for me and he was in the middle of orchestrating that plan. He knew I needed to take Native People of North America and he made sure I would take it. But, God is so kind and gracious he redeemed my self-esteem and hurt feelings by offering me another chance to face the professor of the class I didn't need. I love how God not only did what he needed to put me on the right path, but made sure my self-esteem was redeemed and I once again was a good, favored student.

I'm excited for this plan God has for me at the Indian school and I'm excited to continue to follow Him. I know there will be many challenging days ahead. I know I will have trials, but I know this is where God wants me. God wants me here to love on these children and be his hands and feet while telling them all about my savior, Jesus Christ, and what He's done for all of us!

I'm going to need help on this journey and there are two ways you can help. The first, being the more important, is to pray. Pray for me and the kids I'll be working with. Pray for strength and wisdom as I adjust to a new life style and way of living. Second, you can help by giving either as a one time gift or monthly. Please contact me and I'll let you know how you can help. I should mention this is going to be a missionary position. I will have a small annual salary (a little over $8,000 to be more specific) and although my room and board is covered, there are other expenses like insurance, internet (to stay in contact), food when the cafeteria is closed when the kids are off campus and many other expenses - including any crafts I'd like to do with the girls will need to come out of my pocket. If you would like to help sponsor me and help me on this journey I would greatly appreciate it.

My goal is to be more on top of posting to this blog. I want to make sure you are updated in my journey and know how your prayers and giving are being answered and used! I'll also send out e-mails and newsletters, so please make sure I have your contact information.

I'm excited for you to join me on this journey and I can't wait to see what God has continued to plan for my life.

God Given Goals for 2013

Lately God has been giving me a lot of goals to work on this year. When written out the list isn't long, but when it comes down to accomplishing each goal the list seems twenty times bigger than that short list.

Here's the list of goals:

• Write a Book
• Lead Vacation Bible School (VBS)
• Write the curriculum for VBS
• Lead a Girls Group

Here's a little more on what each entails:

Write a Book

In this book God is asking me to share my story of His faithfulness in the past three years as well as a concept in being single that isn't so new, but many have turned upside down from what God is asking us to do. I have an outline completed. In the outline there are very personal things I'm being asked to share. The struggle I'm having is to write out the entire story and let it potentially be in the book. I know there will be a lot of editing and drafts and what I write now may not end up in the finial draft which could potentially be published, but to know what I write could end up in the final draft is a bit overwhelming. As far as actually publishing this book that's even more scary to think about, but at the same time that's a long ways down the road and I need to get writing first. 

On one hand I know this is what I'm being asked to write about and I know I can trust God for the guidance. On the other hand it's hard to open up like this and the hesitation I'm having is tough to overcome and just get writing. 

To help with this I'm only focusing on one story/chapter at a time. I have my outline and a starting point. I need to set time aside and just get writing!

Lead Vacation Bible School

Last year I was asked to lead VBS and I did. I had an awesome VBS team and couldn't have done it without them. Unfortunately a lot of VBS team members will not be able to help this year for various reasons. Knowing this fact is a bit scary when I'm asked to lead VBS again this year. 

While praying about what curriculum to use none of the curriculums available were jumping out at me to use for this year. I thought, "AWESOME! I'm off the hook! I don't have to lead VBS this year!" But, God then told me to write my own VBS curriculum. I pulled the breaks before God could continue and tried to ignore the call. Naturally, God waited until I slowed my train of thought going in the opposite direction of his call before he gave me a vision of what He had in mind. I realized I'm going to end up leading VBS AND writing the curriculum, so I might as well turn my train of thought around and stop wasting time before I end up in a fish called Grace (thanks Pricilla Shirer for writing Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted) to bring me back to what God is calling me to do. 

The vision God gave me is like no other VBS I've ever attended, helped with or lead. The concept is a little confusing at first, yet so simple when it comes down to it. I'm still developing the plan, but writing the week of curriculum, skits, opening/closing ceremonies, as well as coming up with the crafts, games and snacks won't be as difficult as I originally thought them to be. I know there will be times of struggle in this process, but I do know God's called me to it, so he will guide me through it. 

Lead a Girls Group

This was another call God has given me where I tried to ignore the call and go in the opposite direction. I do know, however, I have a lot to share in my personal testimony to lead these girls (middle school and high school aged) to God's will for their lives. Growing up I was a part of a girls group called C.A.R.E. Group (Caring And Reaching Everyone). I know the impact C.A.R.E. Group had on me and I know God is asking me to give that same impact to these girls. With that in mind I agreed and will be starting the group at the end of February. 

The thing I was worried about was having time to prepare for our time together with my already fully schedule (which was being pushed to the brim with the addition of the previous two God Given Goals), but God gave me a book to use as a guide and the schedule of meeting times happens to be every other week so I'll have time to prepare on the off weeks. Bonus. 

In a nutshell this is going to be one busy year for me. On top of the God Given Goals I'm turning 30 this year and am planning a birthday party I wasn't expecting to plan. I didn't want to have a party this year because I've had a party each year for the past few years and I don't need another party. But, with turning 30 my family convinced me to have a party. In a nutshell, in my 29 years of life I've never once dressed up as Alice in Wonderland let alone had an Alice in Wonderland party. So, for my 30th birthday I'll not only be dressing up like Alice in Wonderland (and my family dressing as other characters) the theme of the party will be Alice in Wonderland... however the whole party will be MY version of an Alice in Wonderland which will include tutus and glitter. I'm trying to keep the party simple... but that's quickly turning out to be something quite different, as all Alice in Wonderland stories happen to be. 

Conquering Fears: Shooting A Gun

I have a few fears I've had since I was a little kid. Some I've learned to cope with and others I have ignored and found a way to not have to deal with them. Shooting a gun was on my list until this past weekend.

A few months ago my friend Jakobe asked my friend Kelly and I if we wanted to go shooting. At the time I said no and didn't think much of it after that. After a few weeks I realized I don't want to be the person who doesn't do things because she's afraid. I want to try new things even if I'm scared. Even if I do it only once I should give it a try. I then thought if I'm given an opportunity I can take I should take it. I called my friend and let him know the next time he goes shooting to give me a call. It's time I conquer this fear.

Time goes on and I don't hear anything about it. I forget I told him I wanted to conquer this fear and I don't think much more of it. Last Sunday after church I see Jakobe, Kelly and a few other people talking, so I go over to say hello. Jakobe then asks what I'm doing that afternoon and I let him know after lunch with a friend I'm free. He then informs me they are going shooting and I should go with them. Immediately I try thinking of a way out, "Something came up, I have to work, my mom needs me at home, I need to wash my hair..." Then I quickly flash back to 2 seconds ago where I just said I was free. Darn it! I can't get out of going. They know I'm free. I have to go and I can't back down now.

After lunch I meet up with Jakobe, Kelly and a few of Jakobe's friends. We go over gun safety and how to handle the gun. Just before I was handed the gun I was thinking, "I want to leave. I have to leave. Shoot! We carpooled. How far is it to walk back to my car?" I'm then handed the gun and I'm so scared, but it's not so bad. I know it's not loaded. It's just a machine. I'm just holding a harmless machine. Then I'm thinking about how in the next half hour this thing will be loaded and I'm going to have to shoot it. My mind then thinks of how fast I could get out of there and how a mile isn't really that far to walk (or at this point run). I realize I'm overreacting, I will not leave, I will stay and I will shoot this gun!

We go to the shooting range where I've been before, but chickened out on shooting the gun. I know what to expect as far as the loudness, coldness of the range and the smell of guns being fired. We fill out our paperwork, put on our ear muff things and safety glasses (although apparently eye glasses are okay by themselves).

If you ask me Kelly and I are rocking our safety gear!

I personally enjoy I was wearing flowers in my hair to shoot guns!

Jakobe loads the gun and asks who wants to go first. I don't think this actually happened, but I'm imagining one of those scenes in a movie where there is a line of people and they are asked for a volunteer to step forward. The whole line takes a step back leaving the unsuspecting guy standing there as if he took a step forward. Yeah, I was the one to take a step back and quite possibly pushed Kelly forward. As she's shooting I'm still thinking of a way to get out of shooting the gun. Without coming up with anything good I'm called to the booth. I wanted to pee my skirt! Here is the real thing. This is a machine that can seriously hurt someone or even kill them! I know it's time to face my fear. I go forward in what seemed like slow motion. Jakobe loads the clip for me and hands me the gun, reminds me how to line it up to shoot my target and holds my hands to make sure I don't drop the gun.

Getting ready to take my first shot. 

(Jakobe held my hands from the bottom when I took the shot... clearly if this was how he held my hand he would have been a bit bloody from the slider part sliding back)

I line the gun so the three little dots are aiming right at the target. My heart is racing. My mind is one big blur. I close my eyes and pull the trigger. I open my eyes, hand Jakobe the gun and say something to the effect of, "Okay, thanks. I'm done!" He encourages me to finish the clip, but I'm so scared. I then realized I had closed my eyes and that probably isn't a good thing to do. I then make it a goal to shoot with my eyes open. I figured I'm here and might as well keep going. 

I line my shot up again, try to calm the blur going on in my head, close my eyes and pull the trigger. SHOOT! I closed my eyes again. I say to myself that I will keep my eyes open and shoot it again!

I line my shot up, yet again, try to calm the blur going on in my head, remind myself to keep my eyes open, close my eyes and pull the trigger. Darn it! I closed my eyes again. At this point I'm thinking maybe I don't need to keep my eyes open. I am hitting my target and this is a safe place for shooting and nothing or anyone will be walking in front of me. 

But, I then realize that's not good. Even though this is a safe place I need to be able to shoot with my eyes open!

I line my shot up, try to calm the blur going on in my head, remind myself to keep my eyes open and pull the trigger. I did it! I shot the gun with my eyes open!

I finish the clip and put the gun down. I'm good. I did it. I not only shot a gun, but kept my eyes open! Jakobe, Kelly and the other guys keep shooting. I'm asked if I want to shoot again, but I'm good. I don't feel the need to and I've done what I've come to do. 

As I was watching them shoot I then thought how well I could shoot the target. Would I be all over the place? Would I shoot the bulls eye? I'll never know if I don't give it another go. I tell Jakobe what I want to do and he sets a new target up. He then tells me this time I have to load the clip myself. I'm thinking, "Huh?!? I have to do what? I don't want to touch the bullets! That's the part that is the dangerous part!" He shows me how to do it and gives me the look of, "Do it. Do it now!" He then says, "I won't always be there to load your clip." I realize he's right and if I want to shoot the bulls eye I'm going to have to load this clip myself. Jakobe walks me through it again and tells me how to put the clip in the gun. I'm good to go. I line up my shot and go for it. 

Would you believe it? I got a bulls eye! Not only once, but twice!

The other shots are all within the black part of the bulls eye 

(which is hard to see in this picture).

Not bad if you ask me. For the second time shooting a gun I didn't do so bad! 

I think this will go in the scrapbook next to my first hair cut (Which, by the way, would you imagine my hair was buzzed just 2 years ago when my mom had cancer? It's so good to realize not only did my hair grow back and is so long now, but my mom is here with her long hair too!).

The gun I was shooting was a .22, but Jakobe's friends had a .9 and asked if I wanted to shoot it. I wasn't too excited about it, but figured why not. Here's an opportunity - take it! That was more scary because of the kick back being stronger, but I shot it a few times and called it good. Jakobe also had a small little gun that belongs to his mom. It is so small I could put my hand over it and completely cover the gun. It was so pretty. It was gold and shiny with a pink handle with a rose painted on it. Now, if ever there was a gun for me to shoot this was one for me! What doesn't scream "Alice" than pink and shiny? Jakobe sets that one up for us to all try. When it was my turn I get the gun and am thinking how cute and little it is. I line up my shot and about pee my skirt on the kick back it had! I was not expecting THAT! How can something so cute and little be so scary? Then I realized, yeah, I'm cute and little and can be scary at times too. 

By the end of the time I was ready to be casted on the next Charlie's Angels

I may still have a racing heart when I think of shooting a gun, but I now know if ever I'm in a situation where I'm handed a gun and I need to shoot it I know what to do. I just pray I never have to be in a situation like that, but I did overcome my fear AND know how to handle a gun from start to finish! 

I want to give a special thank you to Jakobe for being patient with me and encouraging me along the way. I really appreciate your help in conquering this fear. I also want to thank Kelly for going first and paving the way of bravery. I'm glad we get to share this "first" and I do believe we rocked our safety gear... we might even be able to pull off our rocked safety gear outside of the shooting range... eh, maybe not. 

Read the Label

For those of us who have food allergies we are very aware of what is in our foods because we're reading labels of EVERYTHING we eat. As a vegetarian my first red light is meat (although I'm okay with animal products like eggs, milk, cheese, etc.), my next red light are tropical fruits (like pineapple, mango, kiwi, etc.) because I have a food allergy to them, but other than that it's just good to know what kind of poison I'm consuming (okay, okay, if there are too many chemicals I tend to put it back, but on occasion I'll go ahead and get something because let's face it... it's yummy).

As far as my food allergy I've only had a few instances where it has been a problem. I first realized maybe my reaction after eating pineapple isn't just a bug was when I was in high school. As a kid my mom would make a pineapple upside down cake 3-4 times a month. I'm not sure why I didn't eat it, but on the occasions I did, I'd get violently ill that evening, but would be fine the next day. Because we weren't sure why I was ill I'd skip school the next day thinking it was a 24 hour flu or something. Looking back now had I realized it was from the pineapple upside down cake I think I would have eaten more... then again, my parents would have known too and I would still be sick and then be hit with a double whammy and still have to go to school the next day.

When I was in high school I ate a pineapple chunk at Disneyland during a hot day. I became ill at Disneyland and the whole ride home. We chocked it up to maybe the pineapple was bad from being out in the sun. Then while at a friend's birthday sleep over I had pineapple pizza... where again I became ill and lets face it, being the one who got sick at a sleepover is not something you want to be remembered by in high school. It was quite embarrassing. After that I realized while eating the pizza my tongue felt tingly and maybe that wasn't normal. I told my mom about this and she said it wasn't normal. After talking to the doctor he said it was a food allergy and to stay away from it, so I have.

While on a missions trip in Japan I had mango and had the same reaction of the tingly tongue and fortunately stopped eating and didn't get to the ill stage. It's one thing to be ill at Disneyland and a teen sleepover, but ill in another country is not on my bucket list!

Well, at 29 years old, I'm fully aware of my allergies and do a good job of reading labels to ensure there isn't anything I don't want to eat or can't eat. While at Costco with my sister the other night she ordered a Chicken Bake and bites in to enjoy her dinner when she realized there was bacon in the Chicken Bake (she doesn't eat pork). I told her to read the labels (well, in this case the ingredient list) very carefully. She kept telling me it was my fault because I suggested she eat the Chicken Bake. I told her she's an adult and can read her own labels. We do our shopping and find a new food product that is like a Lunchables for adults with hummus and crackers, meat stick and crackers, trail mixes, seed mixes and a little chocolate for dessert. We figured we could split the pack that came with 4 boxes, two with hummus and crackers and two with meat stick and crackers. I glanced through the label, but didn't throughly read the label figuring I would later and we could split the pack even more if there was something either of us didn't want.

The next day I grab my box and head off to work. My friend bought me an unexpected lunch, so I figured I'd save my box lunch for dinner before the meeting. I sit down to enjoy my box lunch (now box dinner) and the hummus and crackers were so delicious. I'm really excited about my new box lunch and I'm thinking of how often I'd like to take them to work. I eat my trail mix with dried cranberries and think the cranberries are a bit sweeter than normal, but they are so yummy I don't think twice about it besides how yummy they taste. The nuts were coated in a spice so there was a bit of a kick, but not too much I can't handle my trail mix. I then start eating my seeds and remember I didn't read the label of any of the little packs, so I read the seed label: toasted edemame, pepitas, toasted watermelon seeds - awesome all foods I can eat. I go to the trail mix: jalapeno spiced almonds and peanuts, dried cranberries, and dried mango - mmm... so that's why the dried cranberries were so sweet they were mixed with mangos.... MANGOS... OH SHOOT, MANGOS!

I instantly start looking for signs of a reaction, but realized in the past once past the tingly tongue it takes an hour or so to become ill... my meeting was in about an hour. I'm then thinking do I chance it and go to the meeting and hope I don't get sick? I've never had dried mangos, will I have the same reaction as the fresh stuff? I text my boss to let him know what just happened and I might not make it to the meeting or may have to leave early if I do make it, but right now I feel okay. Twenty minutes pass and I my eye itched. I went to scratch it, but realized this was a reaction. I looked in the mirror and noticed my eyes were a little puffy and red. I send another text to my boss and let him know I'm not going to make it. I'm heading home. As I'm driving all I can think of is Will Smith's face in Hitch when he eats shellfish without knowing he's allergic. I call my mom and she tells me she put the medicine on the counter in the bathroom, but she's leaving for her meeting. I get home take the pill and still feel itchy all over. When my sister got home about 10 minutes later before even telling her what happened she comments on how red my skin is... of course I now have a rash all over my body, but all I can do is wait and hope the medicine kicks in faster. At this point I'm feeling a little funny in my head, but figure it's the medicine. When an hour passed and I was ready to go to bed I realized it was the medicine and called it a night (at this point the itchiness had started to lessen, but I still had the rash and puffy eyes).

In the middle of the night I woke up and realized the medicine was still in me because my head felt really funny. I went to roll over and my arms felt really funny too. I then remember thinking, or maybe even said it out loud, "My arms feel funny. They are like spaghetti. I have spaghetti arms." All the while waving my arms around as if they were spaghetti being stirred in a pot of hot water. After waving my spaghetti arms around for a bit I finished rolling over and went back to sleep.

This morning I'm realizing I should always read the label of every food I'm going to consume BEFORE I consume any and all foods. After all, like I told my sister, I am an adult and it is my responsibility to read my own labels.

The Caterpillar Promise

There once was a little boy who was going to visit his relatives. While in the car on his way his mom told him about all the great things he could expect while visiting at his aunt and uncle's house. Besides seeing his family and enjoying a great meal his mom had mentioned how he could ride on his uncle's caterpillar. Imagine the great things you could do riding a caterpillar! After all,  the caterpillar in The Very Hungry Caterpillar had a great time eating through all those foods, right?

The little boy began thinking about all he see on the back of the caterpillar his mom had told him he would get to ride. Would the caterpillar be a giant caterpillar - after all, it would have to be since his mom said he could ride on it! How big would this caterpillar be? Would he get to feed it as well as ride on it? How fast could the caterpillar go? How far could he ride the caterpillar? How fast could a giant caterpillar move? Do giant caterpillars move quickly or slowly like little caterpillars? He wondered what kind of butterfly the caterpillar would turn in to one day. He hoped it wouldn't go into a cocoon just yet because he wanted to ride on the caterpillar, but then he started to think of how cool it would be if he could ride on the butterfly the caterpillar would turn into after it became a butterfly.

As he was thinking about all the great adventures he could have riding on the caterpillar they arrived at his uncles house. He couldn't wait to get out of the car and see the caterpillar he was promised to ride on. After greeting his uncle he anxiously asked where the caterpillar he could ride was kept. He could hardly wait to ride on the caterpillar. His uncle said it was around back. With pure excitement he took off running to see his promise. When he got around back he stopped in his tracks. With a look of disappointment he asked his uncle, who was making his way around back to catch up to the little boy, "Where is the giant caterpillar?" When his uncle pointed in the direction of a machine the little boy realized the giant caterpillar wasn't anything he had dreamt it to be. He had imagined a giant caterpillar that would one day become a butterfly, but before him was a machine - a big dirty metal machine. What the little boy didn't realize is the promise his mom gave him of being able to ride on the caterpillar was actually his uncle's Caterpillar tractor. Here he was standing right in front of his promise, but didn't see it because he had imagined something totally different. 

His mom kept her promise because that boy was allowed to ride on his uncle's caterpillar. Although initially disappointed he realized how cool it was to ride on this Caterpillar tractor - even if it wasn't the same caterpillar he was thinking of when he was given the promise.

This story was based loosely on a true story from a friend's real life adventures. It got me thinking about how the promises God has given me and how I turn them into something they aren't supposed to be turned in to, but should just be the promise as it was given. Sure it's fun to dream, but at the end of the day the promise is simple and I don't know if the caterpillar is one that will turn into a butterfly or a tractor... both of which would be super awesome to ride as a seven year old little boy!

Spiritual Potty Training

I’ve been processing the maturity of Christians recently and came up with an analogy I think works pretty well. I was thinking about what would equate to the maturity of Christians which would be outrageous if we did this in our current society. I started to think about potty training. Maybe I’ve cared for children a little too long when I can create an entire analogy based around the excretion of body fluids, but the more I thought about it the more I saw the connection in the analogy. 

I began thinking about how infants don’t know better than to relieve themselves at any moment and any time. They have yet to gain control over themselves and find nothing wrong with making a mess of themselves. As a society we provide a socially acceptable solution to their lack of control by diapering the infant. In the same way I was thinking of non-believers who have never heard of the word of God. Not that we physically diaper them, but we realize they are going to defecate and understand how they can see no problem with this act, but want to help them. They do not see it as disgusting and not a problem - after all, this is how they were made.

Then when the individual becomes a Christian they notice the sin they have lived in and committed and become disgusted with their choices and would like to change. This is the start of potty training where the child becomes aware that when they relieve themselves it is uncomfortable and want to be changed, but are still unable to change themselves. The training begins at this stage. The child is shown the potty is the place to go in order to not make a mess of themselves. The trick now is to go to the potty BEFORE they relieve themselves. As a Christian this is where we realize what leads to sin and change the way we live to not commit sin. 

Occasionally there are accidents and fortunately for the child they have loving parents who will help them clean themselves as well as help them recognize the early signs before they have an accident. The awesome thing is our Heavenly Father is the same way. We may still have a consequence to our sin, but the Holy Spirit is here to help us learn to avoid sin and what to do with sin that is committed - take it to God and let him flush it away.

Think now of the mature Christian who is able to recognize when they have sin and what they do with it - they immediately take their sin to the toilet and flush it away by asking God for forgiveness and letting go of the sin. Once a child is potty trained the child should have fewer and fewer accidents the older the child becomes until they are fully potty trained. This is process is the same for Christians.

I began thinking about the age of when children are potty trained. I began thinking about how most children by the age of two have began potty training, usually by the age of four have very few accidents, and hopefully by age six (hopefully sooner) have mastered controlling their bowels. Imagine if there were a twenty year old who has been toilet trained, but refuses to use the toilet. This would not only be a huge societal faux pas but society members would not be as patient with them as we would with a three year old. Unfortunately there are people who never reach the spiritual potty training because they are okay with their occasional accidents, let alone don’t mind to master what needs to be done to prevent accidents.

I don’t know about you, but I sure am glad I’m physically potty trained and have fewer and fewer spiritual potty training accidents. 

Life

As my 29th birthday approaches next month I begin to think back to when I was 12 years old and someone asked me what I thought my life would be like in 15 years. Of course my idea of living on a cruise ship traveling around the world married to a chef who would bring home wonderful dishes he'd prepared for dinner was a bit out there in dream land, but at the same time when I realistically thought about where I'd be has ended up not nearly as close as I thought it would be.

I guess that's the hardest part about growing older... the realization life will not be as perfect as we plan it to be. I think it was the movie Curly Sue where the main character tells his daughter how they can dream themselves into a million dollars and a mansion, but until they start acting it's not going to happen. It's been a while since I've seen this movie, but the point is a good one. Of course sitting around making wishes isn't going to accomplish much so getting up and acting is going to be more beneficial, but there is something else the main character in Curly Sue missed... seeking God's will.

I can think about where I wanted to be and how far away from this dream I actually am, but then I have to stop myself from feeling sorry for myself and realize where God has lead me and how I've been obedient. No matter how far from my own dream I may feel I am I know I'm right where God wants me.

When I think about my obedience to God I can't complain about where I am in life and how far away from my own plan I've ended up. I've learned I can have a plan, but when God chooses to change it I know to follow his plan. I choose to make this choice for two reasons: (1) in the end God's plan is always better than what I've planned and (2) I know I'm going to end up where God leads so I might as well go the first time I'm asked. I've read about Jonah... I know what God can do and, frankly, I don't want to spend any time inside a fish.

"Now the LORD provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights."  

Jonah 1:17

If you've read Jonah you know Jonah ended up going where God asked, but resented the reason he was sent. This is another area where I'd like to part ways with Jonah. I'd like to recognize the ways God is using me in places I'd rather not be.